Helping My Chosen Succeed

I love giving my Chosen assignments and then doing little things to help them. Not the actual work, mind, but just some... like assigning one to start a blog on his favorite TV show and then DVRing episodes so that he can watch while he visits, perhaps seeing new episodes and building up a backlog for the fallow times.

It's a happy.

Fallow Times Happen...

It feels like I'm waiting on a lot right now. Waiting on holding some of my Chosen again. Waiting to find the words to describe NEEHU2's Saturday, Sunday, and Monday... especially the collaring ceremony. Waiting on my Dommespace.

Domme/sub energy is like all energy: It ebbs and flows and swirls. Sometimes it's so powerfully strong that it feels like primal fire. Sometimes it's so far receded that the rocky and sandy bottoms of life are painfully visible.

At NEEHU2 I could feel it so very powerfully, and since then the tide has mostly been in. This week and weekend I see the seabed grasses, despite the waters being wind-whipped into froth.

It is almost Dark Moon, and I feel the urge to curl into myself. I have never been one who finds true power in darkness. I find it in light and illumination and revelation. And so I curl into myself, and I wait for the words to flow again.

They will. Ebb and flow and swirl and change itself is the one constant. I silence myself and wait for their return.

NEEHU2 post about half done...

...there'd be more if it weren't for my new day job. :) So, instead, I'm going to mention that there will be a NEEHU3. Today the first email from the incredible mephki went out to the planning committee. I'll be announcing dates as soon as they're finalized, although I do know when we're tentatively planning it. I also know we're seeking to use the same venue and hotel, and working on fixing transportation issues that might have made this year more challenging than some would have liked! These things have already come up as definite topics to be handled soon.

Keep watching this space!

May is Inappropriate Behavior Awareness Month

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Sad decisions

It makes me sad to write this post... but reality is what it is, and being a Domme means facing it for the good of my family.

I am not able to make a living trancing full-time right now. I'm pretty sure it's the economy, but it's not working as well as I had hoped. Had I gotten started some time ago things might have been different. The good news is that I have a new job I start tomorrow.

What this means:

No daytime hours for the present, evening hours as I know my schedule at my new job.
I still love you all.
I will be communicating more by email, less by IM for the next few weeks.
Appointments in the evening are desirable.
Travel is severely cut back.

What this does not mean:
I am still keeping all of my Chosen, playing with my pets, and those Questing for me are still on Quest... that is NOT changing.
I am not quitting D/s.
I am NOT going to miss NEEHU.

I am sorry it has to be this way. Please support me and know that one day, be it six months or three years from now, I will be back doing D/s hypnosis full-time.

I love all of you!

Fetish Fair Flea, part 1

I think one of the main points of the weekend is illustrated by the fact that "the green glitter ball" is now a fetish on Fetlife. Yep, the same green glitter ball I brought to the play parties and was passed around for hours. People played with it, gazed into it, blanked out to it, and generally had a fantastic good time. I'm telling you, those are some of the best hypno-pervertables ever!

The weekend opened with Copper meeting Jukebox and me at the MSP airport. We had dinner, then boarded the plane. Copper was in trance before we even took off. Jukebox, respecting the fact that Copper and I hadn't had in-person time in a while, spent his flight working on the next book of short stories. We settled into the hotel and I tranced them again, some more. This Makes Me Happy.

Friday was supposed to be a hot tub day. Instead we slept in and wandered around a bit, checking in and waiting for people to arrive. I'm very glad we came in Thursday night, because Friday the lobby was a zoo. Because the doors were always opening, the marble floor was like ice on my bare feet! But I had a pretty pedicure done, and I decided I wanted to show it off, so I did.

Friday evening, I had a lovely Valentine's dinner at the Melting Pot with my consorts. After that, we went to the hypno meet and greet. I had a great time saying hello to people I'd met before and met some awesome new people. Went back to the room for a bit, and then the first hypnoparty started.

I brought my light and sound machine and my glitter ball toys, as well as watches and crystals and so on, and let people use them. There was a really hot trance with two women, and I tranced a few people, but I had to leave early because my class was at 9am on Saturday morning. Still, it was great to catch up with people and watch them all get cozy and trancy. I loved the wordless kinesthetic trance I did with one woman. She got all blissfully melty.

I think that people were far more eager to get into tranceplay this year. Last year Friday there was a bit of nerves and people being less willing to break the ice. Friday this time people were diving right into the hypnosis. It's a community progression as people become more comfortable, and I loved seeing it.

More tomorrow. :)

Just a quick checkin...

Antibiotics are a miracle of the modern world. I know several times that I would be far, far worse off without them. However, right now they're making me miserable. Fortunately the end is in sight. I'll be more active again soon!

Let's Go To Bed: A True Story

Last night I went to bed a bit after Jukebox. He's never been one to have trouble going to sleep, so he was already cozily snuggled up in the blankets. (He's native Minnesotan. I think that's why when I get to bed he always resembles a contented burrito. Disentangling the covers is something I need to do every night, and it never fails to make me giggle.)

As I finally got the blankets to the point I could get under them, he roused enough to purr and snuggle his back up against me. I whispered in his ear, using one of my favorite keyed-to-me triggers for him. "You are deep asleep. This is all a dream." He echoed my words, drowsy and obedient. I knew I had him. Sleep had shifted to trance. Time to play.

I wrapped my arms around him and began to play with his nipples softly. "Strong and submissive. All your strength is turned to serve me." I began to program him, brainwashing him with my words and the heat of the pleasure. "You are a strong man, and I own you. All your strength is turned to serve me. Your deep self serves me blankly and without thinking. It feels so good to serve me."

His toneless repetition of my words began to mix with gasps as his hips rocked. My nipples rubbed against his back, sending warm pulses of heat through me. Far hotter to me, though, was the blankness in his voice. Over and over, I brainwashed him, programmed him, reinforced my control. Some of the commands I gave him are ones I give only to my Chosen. Some were for him alone. When I finally allowed him to come, he whispered over and over "Goddess... Goddess... Goddess..." as he must.

When he was done, he slumped back against me, boneless and limp, the trance deepening even further. I checked in with him: "Tell me something you need me to know."

He responded "I am so blank. I am still coming." The shakiness of his voice and the whimper told me that yes, my beloved Chosen's orgasm hadn't finished, no matter what his body said.

I took his hand and placed it on my breast. As he has been trained, he began to caress. The rest of his body remained immobile. "What's happening to you, pet?" I whispered.

The shakiness was gone. "I am blank and deep and i am going deeper i am hypnotized and made blank by your beautiful breasts there is only going deeper..." Monotone, hypnotized, each word simply coming from his lips without thought.

I allowed him to continue to caress my breast as I brought myself to orgasm, listening to him speak, programming him deeper. As he must, when I came he came. Every time. Until our bodies were both relaxed, melded together, in love, perfect.

We fell asleep that way, his mind as asleep as it was when I got into bed, the covers now wound around both of us. As it should be.

In the last two months...

I've been to North Carolina twice, presented at the first LeatherFET, waited for the birth of a family member, hypnotized my Chosen and pets, almost had someone walk in on me during sex, lost my voice, and worked on planning NEEHU2. I am so very relieved that the holidays are over!

I loved the presents I got from my Amazon wishlist for the holidays too. I am thrilled to have finally gotten the portable hard drive, some tights, a teddy, and a lovely velvet top/dress!

I am also getting ready to set up a home recording studio. WinterRose and RattieMattie showed me theirs, and it's quite a nice setup! It'll make it much easier for me to work from home. Podcasts and free recordings will become much more plentiful!

I am so happy to be past the holidays and back to regular work! The next meeting of the FOCUS group in Minneapolis will be Thursday the 20th of January. RSVP to me at ladyr - at - blisstrance - dot - com or on Fetlife in order to get directions!

How To Attract A HypnoDomme: Part Two: Before You Go Looking

So after being absolutely levelled by the flu last week, I'm getting back to writing. Here's the next installment in the series.

I was going to make this "That Vital First Impression," but as the week went by I realized that's not the first step. The first step is not about meeting, but about the groundwork that needs to be done before you even go out and look. And the first step in that for a submissive is beginning to understand your own needs and wants.

Many submissives forget that their own needs and wants have value. After all, as I tell people, "It's all about me," meaning me-as-Domme. And it is. On the other hand, if I'm not going to meet the submissive's needs, then the relationship is going to go nowhere very quickly. That sucks for all concerned. It's a lot more fun to deal with a submissive who knows what zie wants than to deal with one who has no idea.

That doesn't mean you have to know all of what you want, or reveal it right away. Sometimes it can be fun to be in deep hypnosis and hear yourself confessing your deepest wants to the warm voice that soothes your mind. But if you want that scenario, you already have one thing to say: "I like to feel like my needs are being pulled out of me and I can't stop it." Boom, you have a desire you can express!

Before you start a search for a Domme, sit down and think about your wants and needs. It helps if you write them down. Be honest with yourself, and sometimes it helps if you put things on a scale of one to ten in order of how important they are to you.

Are looks important to you? For some people, they're critical. If that's the case, be up front with yourself. You don't want to meet a Domme and discover she does nothing for you sexually, after all. Do you want a certain type of appearance? Build? Clothing? If so, are those things in and of themselves fetishes for you?

How about voice? Ability to meet up with your Domme in person? Knowing you will never be required to meet in person? (That might be important for married folk who wish to be secret about the affair.) Do you want your Domme to have other skills than hypnosis (bondage, sensory play, et cetera)? Do you expect to be monogamous, or are other partners OK? How about playing with others for Her pleasure? Make sure you know your boundaries!

Are you willing to pay for what you want, or do you want a lifestyle-only relationship? How much time do you want to spend submitting? (It's absolutely OK to want a non-24/7 relationship. Those are not the be-all and end-all of submission.)

This is only a partial list of things you may want to consider. Decide how important each is for you (for example, looks are not important, but you aren't going to pay for anything and you want to have a part-time D/s relationship while you look for other life partners). Remember that these wants and desires are fluid! You will find them changing throughout your time submitting. (When I first met Jukebox, for instance, public shirt-off was a limit. He's now very happy fully nude when permitted at cons!)

Next, come up with an introduction. This should be a few lines about yourself that you can readily give when you contact a Domme. We'll talk a bit more about this in the next installment, but think carefully about what you want to say. It should include important things for her to know right off about you. An example might be: "Hello... my name is [name], I'm a [age] [gender] who is looking for a hypnotic Domme while I explore submission. I'm [marital status], looking for a [full/part/very casual]-time relationship and I am/not willing to pay for time. Some of my interests are [insert here], some of my non-sexual hobbies are [insert here]. Would you be interested in talking further?"

Knowing yourself and your wants and needs can save you and your Dominant partner a lot of time, headaches, and maybe even heartache. Do this step. You'll be glad you did.

A Matter Of Life And Death: Transgender Day of Remembrance

Today is Transgender Day of Remembrance. The post I promised before I got levelled by a bug is coming. Today, I'm going to talk matters of life and death.

I am a cissexual woman. That is the term for someone born XX who feels like that is, in fact, the correct gender assignment for her. Because of that, I am almost certainly not the person you should be listening to today. But I'll crave your indulgence for just a few moments before pointing you to those whose stories and feelings need and deserve to be heard.

The first person I ever talked to online live (as opposed to email or newsgroups) is a trans woman. Since that time, I have been blessed (and oh, I do mean blessed) by the friendships of several women who have undertaken the agonizing journey of leaving behind the gender they were assigned at birth and becoming their truest selves.

I am also blessed with the security of knowing that all of these women are still alive, able to be the caring, giving, strong women they are. Tragically, the facts are that trans people are at risk each and every day. Even basics most of us take for granted such as using the washroom are risky activities. Medical care is almost guaranteed to involve some level of humiliation. They are told they do not exist, that they are sick, that their pain is not real, that everything is "all in their heads."

Nearly half of all trans people have attempted suicide. Those numbers cannot be allowed to continue.

Even worse, even those who have found peace with themselves are at increased risk of violence. That is the point of Transgender Day of Remembrance. Every 20th of November, trans people and their allies stop to remember those who have been lost to violence since the previous November 20th.

Not everyone memorialized this day is a trans person. Some were killed simply because they were perceived to be acting in a manner at variance to their gender. One was a 16-month-old boy who was murdered because he was perceived to be acting like a girl. Stop and ponder that for a moment. The prejudice against trans people is so strong someone felt justified in beating a toddler to death because of it.

This cannot go on.

This evening, I will be going to the Twin Cities Transgender Day of Remembrance vigil in the Twin Cities. You can find your own event here. Then act to stop the violence, especially against Transgender people of color. Reach out. Your life will be the richer for it. You might save someone else's.

Unsure where to start? Too broke to give to trans-supportive charities? Try dropping the word "tranny" from your vocabulary as a first action. Many trans people find it offensive. At best, it's one of those words that a minority gets to use among themselves, but sound wrong and disrespectful coming from those outside the minority group. (Think "the n-word.")

Also, if you're a ciswoman and you see a "cross-dressed guy in the washroom," for goodness' sake don't freak out. Washrooms are among the most dangerous places for trans women. A simple nod and smile, as you'd do for any other woman, is appropriate. Chances are instead of a threatening move toward you, you'll see an expression of profound relief!

I do not want any of my friends to become a statistic. We have it in our power to make a difference.

***A special thanks to @widdershins_cat for her assistance with feedback on this post and links! Love you!!***

Podcast 5.2 is up, plus Forum Story Contest!

In the morning I am off to the wedding I mentioned earlier this week. Before I go, though, I did get a podcast up! It's about the floatation tank that Seran and I were in this summer, and our reactions. I had such a good time doing it that I wanted to spread it around more. I do plan to go back in the spring and have more floatation experiences.

Also, since the wedding is on my mind, have you seen this? Yes, Wiseguy has created a story contest as a gift for his blushing bride-to-be. If you're a romantic, you want to get in on this one! Think of it as a way to give back for all of the joy he's given the community through his time as a writer. I know everyone has one romantic MC story lurking somewhere down (in some cases far, far down) in the unconscious mind. Give this one a go!

Finally, the Focus Group is meeting on Monday, November 7 at 6pm at Davanni's Riverside. Come out and join us! :)

Happy Samhain! Plus NaBloPoMo

NaBloPoMo is a thing rather like NaNoWriMo, and I'm doing it this month. Unlike NaNoWriMo, which is one month of the year and has no content restrictions, NaBloPoMo does not admit adult sites or commercial sites.

Tough. I'm doing it anyway. :) I'm just not going to link up to the main site. I could use the traffic, but screw 'em. :) I have a feeling that people will either read or not. I am not sure if I'm going to attempt NaNoWriMo or just knit like a banshee to finish my holiday gifts for my family, though!

On to more important things!

This weekend, I have the immense joy of traveling with Jukebox to the east coast to attend the wedding of Wiseguy and DaniFantom. Theirs is a genuine, dynamic erotic hypnosis love story. I will be unavailable for calls Friday until Monday afternoon as a result.

Wiseguy has been a true friend for a decade. (Gods, has it been THAT LONG??) His stories are incredible - his "Busman's Holiday" is often cited as a primer for budding erotic hypnotists. I am so very honored and delighted to be invited to celebrate with him and with Dani. Yes, I will be posting from the road... even if the post is as short as "I always cry at weddings" or some such. ;)

I'm taking calls today and tonight, by the way... look for me!

Marie Claire and @MauraKellyBlog Reaction, And A New Resolution

Tomorrow, I'll be reposting Lady Isis's wonderful blog entry "To Losers," with her permission. Today, however, before I could get that post up something happened. It's something that made me reverse a decision I made. Gentle Reader, today I Saw Red, and I'm going to do something about it.

In the past, I've told people I'm a BBW. Most people know this going in when they first meet me. The ones who care rapidly fall away. The ones who don't get to know me better... some very, very well. But when I made the decision to go pro Domme, I was worried that my looks would get in the way of my career. After all, the stereotype is of the slender, tall, on-high-heels Dominatrix built up in the media. I kept telling myself it was a career decision. After all, it's the romance of the thing, right? Surely that's what matters? And I was experiencing a lot of anxiety on that level with the Sex Robot video. I worried about that negatively impacting sales, instead of positively impacting them.

In retrospect, that's when things really started to go downhill with my health, and I think I know why. You see, I am a hypnotist, and what I tell my unconscious mind, it starts to live.

For years, I had been deeply in love with my body. It does such amazing things. Still, like many fat women in this society, I'd internalized the shame that comes along with it. As long as I was active, moving, happy, dancing, having great - no, fantastic - sex, doing yoga, my body loved me back. Knee injuries hampered some things, but overall everything was wonderful. Great cholesterol, blood pressure my skinny sisters would kill for, healthy skin and hair... I had it all. Until I told it that it wasn't good enough for my job.

Suddenly, things started to happen. My blood pressure went up by ten points. My desire for healthy foods tanked. My knees hurt more. You see, when I told my body "people won't like you," it listened. I was telling myself that the shame I'd fought against for years was valid.

I was starting to come to this conclusion already, over the time I'd spent away from home the last month. I think I looked fantastic in the Sex Robot video. I find fat chicks attractive, myself, and one of my first reactions was "Damn, I would totally fuck me!"

Then, today, came the final epiphany. Marie Claire Magazine posted a blog entry from someone talking about "Mike and Molly," the sitcom with two fat characters in love. To be honest, I'd never watched the show. I'm not much for sitcoms... give me Discovery Channel any day... so my reaction was fair-to-negative. "Oh, yay, more making fun of fat people. Just what I need in my life, fat jokes. I'll pass."


But oh, this review was nasty. Warning: fat-phobic trigger language in there, read at your own risk.

Even that half-assed apology doesn't cut it. You see, no one, but no one, gets to tell me that I don't deserve to have so much as physical affection because of a hundred pounds of adipose tissue. No one who finds it "aesthetically displeasing" to watch a fat person *cross the room* gets to tell me that I should exercise more. And yes, I think she is acting like an insensitive jerk.

I have a lot of compassion for the writer's eating disorder history. When I was a teenager, I roomed with a girl with anorexia. She was 5'6" and weighed sixty-five pounds when they finally got her into treatment. I saw the agony my roommate experienced. Given that, I can't and won't say or imply that this writer is a bad person. But I also refuse to give her the power to tell me how my body should look.

And the fact is that I am a fucking Goddess. In the old-school fashion, those ancient Venuses and Maltese temple deities. I love the way my hips sway when they walk. I love my curves and my skin and my hair. I love my sensuality, the way my hair tickles the small of my back, the way carpet feels under my bare feet. I love the soft flowing dresses I wear in Dommespace and the way they puddle to the floor at my ankles as I shed them. I love the way finger and toenail polish flashes as I move.



I love my ass. (Jukebox loves to go up the stairs behind me, especially when I'm naked.) I love Public Displays of Affection, everything from holding hands to deepkisses to stolen gropes. I love my tattoos.



I have not been single since I was seventeen. I have not had fewer than two romantic partners since 1993, except for a brief span in 2003-2004, and even then I had other sexual partners. Fuck yes, I'm sexy. Fuck yes, this fat body can do amazing things!

I love my body's power. I love the focus and care I have for my trance partners, and how deep they go as I ensnare their minds. Make no mistake: I am a hypnoDomme, and I love to wield that mystique and that power and that sexuality. I love making my partners change, gasp, moan, come so hard they can't even speak for an hour. I love gently and thoroughly brainwashing people. I love my voice. I love running my hands over my partners' bodies and feeling them shudder with heat. I love the way my huge, non-perky breasts ache and my thighs get slick when I'm hypnotically Dominating someone.



And, oh yeah, I'm fat. And I'm sexual. And I'm sexy as hell. And I love being both. And from now on, there will be pictures on my site... because I love my body, and it's not getting shortchanged any more.
.
(And, oh yeah, that blood pressure? Back down to 110/70, thank yew very much. And the veggies at dinner tasted delicious.)

Because this needed to be preserved...

I just tweeted:

Happiness is hearing the soft noises your pet in the next room makes asleep. <3 @copperheron recently, @jukeboxemcsa tonight, others too! <3

I mean every word of it, too.

Updates and suchlike

Thank you all so much for your support about my nephew. The latest news is that the reaction is treatable. However, it will take around two years to reverse all the damage. He is currently on a new antiParkinsons medication, hoping this will make the motions slow down or stop. At this point, that has not happened. But we keep on hoping. They're calling in experts in the field for consultation, so who knows what might be possible. I'm concerned, but things are not hopeless.

I also wanted to thank the people who have sent me birthday presents. Since I don't get to go to Dragon*Con for my birthday as usual, this means a lot. Thank you so much!

Copper leaves for his residence in the Arctic tomorrow after being here for nearly a week. It is looking like I'm going to be spending a portion of late September/early October up there, before flying to New York City for a training. I will post details on that trip as I have them, but it will be the weekend of 15-OCT that I'm in the City. No word yet on where within that massive metropolis...

I'll be in Charlotte in December for LeatherFet, a kink event in that city. I'm also going to FFF in Boston in February, and as soon as I get the information for NEEHU2 I'll be posting that far and wide.

In the meantime, keep watching this space for upcoming sales and so forth!

A sad moment of real life

I don't talk about family much here; I think a lot of people have the cherished illusion that professional Dommes are completely attachment-free except for their adoring submissives/slaves/pets and it drives them crazy to hear otherwise. The fact is that I have a warm relationship with my extended family, the majority of the adult members of which know (although with varying degrees of approval) what I am and what I do.

Two weeks ago my nephew, who happens to be autistic and have other sensory disorders, was placed on a new kind of medication - Abilify. Within a week he was having uncontrollable muscle spasms and could no longer feed himself, use stairs, or buckle his own seatbelt. He no longer wanted to eat or sleep. His parents took him to the emergency room Saturday on the advice of a neurologist - not the one who prescribed the medicine, that one was on vacation. After hours in the ER, during which the staff neurologist and resident went out to confer and call the prescribing neurologist, they came back in with the news that they were taking him off the Abilify immediately. A rare side effect (occurring in 2% of the studied population) was causing the issues.

The real kicker? We'll find out sometime late this week, certainly not before Wednesday, if these symptoms are permanent.

Before putting him on Abilify, my sister did research it, but she does not recall seeing this side effect mentioned.

I'm on the phones taking calls as usual this week, but to be honest I don't know what to write that's sexy. I hope you'll forgive this lapse into the real world. Fantasy is a wonderful thing. It just won't make him healthy again. All I can do is pray that once the medication is fully out of his body, he'll recover a little.

The family is gratefully accepting good wishes, positive anecdotes, prayers, and energy. If any of those are yours to offer, please do.

Upcoming Focus group meeting

Just a little note and reminder that the Focus Group (Minneapolis hypnosis club) is meeting on Sunday at 5pm. The information is on FetLife. This time we're talking about hypnosis safety.

Hope to see people there!

Birthday coming up!

So, yes, my birthday is coming up on September 4. It's not hard to find out what number birthday that is if you go looking. I know people are going to ask what I want. There is, of course, my Amazon wishlist over to the side... If it's on there, I want it.

I am also in the market for a Nook ebook reader from B&N. If people wanted to go in on that, coordinate with Jukebox. :) I want to be surprised. I like the Nook better than the Kindle for a lot of reasons, including but not limited to size, hand feel and the fact that B&N isn't going to pull books I've purchased from it the way Amazon has proven they will. With all the traveling I'll be doing, the Nook fits in better than the Kindle.

Anything purple and dresslike from Holy Clothing is a happy. Their skirts are too long for me, and their tops are almost long enough to be dresses, but I love their sundresses and longer-sleeved stuff. Again, coordinate with Jukebox. :)

And look for a birthday sale soon... ;)

As Promised: Floatation tank experience

So, um, yeah. About seven weeks ago I posted a brief blurb saying I'd enjoyed my floatation tank experience and that I'd post more later. And then, radio silence.

I'm not going to go into the reasons for the silence, but I do owe you a post on the floatation tank session. So, without further ado, here's what happened.

Seran and I arrived at the shop in the heat of a Chicago summer afternoon. The location is within the building on the ground floor, so it took us a minute to find it. Inside, however, it was comfortable and very clean. We were given a tour of the tank facility. Essentially, each tank is lightproof and you are given earplugs to both dull sound and keep water out of your ears. Each tank is filled to around calf-height with water, and in that water they have dissolved huge amounts of epsom salts. (Don't drink the water, mmmkay?) The solution thus produced has the density of the human body, so everyone floats.

And I mean everyone. To say Seran is slender is pushing the word. I knew I would have no problems floating, but I wasn't at all sure about him. I know he'd probably have to work to keep afloat under most circumstances. No worries: he was as buoyant as a cork.

This solution is also warm. The rooms were, of course, as muggy as you'd expect them to be with huge tanks of warm fluid in them. I was actually even more eager than I thought I'd be to shed clothes and get the shower going.

(Of course you shower before and after. After, because you have an epsom salt crust on your skin at the waterline mark on your body. Before, for obvious sanitation reasons. They may flush and sanitize the tank between every use, but it's nice to make it a little less intense for the sanitizing process.)

The shower was nice and warm and the bathing products provided were high-quality. I put the plugs in my ears, showered, and got into the tank. That's where things went a bit offscript.

Because I'm a kinesthetic, I enjoyed the feel of the water. You go into the tanks naked, in order not to be restricted by clothing in any way. That felt wonderful. The floating was incredible. Despite the shallowness of the solution, it fully supported me. I never felt the bottom unless I deliberately moved that way.

But remember that mugginess? It was multiplied in the closed-door tank by a lot. I don't like breathing hot, damp air. After a few minutes, I realized that sensation was making me feel a bit uncomfortable. I was having a lot of trouble relaxing. I weighed my options.

Part of the point of the sensory deprivation is that it's supposed to replicate the womb experience by floating in total darkness with muffled sound. Whether you have your eyes open or closed is supposed to make no difference. But I knew that I couldn't breathe well enough to be comfortable, so I decided to simply open the door so a bit more cool was let in, and keep my eyes closed.

I found this actually replicated what I know of the womb better. You see, the womb is not actually totally dark. Babies in utero are able to sense light. (Playing with a flashlight on a pregnant belly is a good way to have fun with a baby not yet even born.) When I kept my eyes closed, there was the faintest through-the-eyelids glow that much more matches what I know of life in the womb.

Even better, I could breathe and relax! And in no time, without any formal intention on my part, I was in trance. Every so often I'd be aware that somehow, the water level seemed to have crept up on my face. When I got in, it was just over my ears. After a bit, I noticed water almost up to the outer corners of my eyes. It took me two times with this happening to realize that my neck muscles had relaxed to the point that my head had "fallen back." That was really nice, and deepened my trance by quite a bit.

I didn't ever lose track of the world or go to sleep, but I didn't expect to. It was very much the kind of trance experience where the Watcher is active. People who think they aren't going into deep trance because they can always think will recognize this place. I know it's because it was a totally new experience. A few more times in a tank like that and I will be getting very interesting results, as my conscious mind checks out more fully.

Instead, what I experienced was a lot like lucid dreaming. I was always aware of the experience, but was letting the dream unfold. My particular dreams involved people I love and care for, and if a dream started to go somewhere I didn't really want to be, I partly sat up. This "reset" my brain and I could go on to something else.

It was a very, very positive experience. I would love to do it again multiple times and see what else happens.

Eventually, the time was up and the attendant knocked on the door of the room (not the tank - if you don't answer they do come in and do that, but the door comes first) and I let her know I heard her. I got out and showered off. Some of the water got onto my lips and I licked it off... that was a mistake. Ew. Don't do that. I peeked outside to see Seran waiting in the hallway. He was so very fractionated. I could tell just by looking at him that he'd experienced a very deep trance. I let him know I was getting dressed and to wait for me out front.

We relaxed with water afterwards and discussed our experiences. He had no issues with the mugginess, so he'd kept the door closed the whole time. (I really think that might be a me-thing, and urge everyone to do it the normal way, at least at first.) His subjective experience was similar to mine, and we both agree that more experimentation is called for.

I'd be interested in hearing from others as to their experiences, and I think I'm going to treat myself to a local facility someone pointed out in the comments to my previous post for my birthday in a few weeks.

Ah, my birthday... but that's another post. ;)