I Was Going To Blog About My New Recording...

... but this came in, and I just couldn't help myself.

People ask what a "do-me" submissive is. Friends, I bring you: Random Messenger.

Friday night on the way somewhere with my Jukebox, I got this series of IMs.

(10:51:16 PM) Random Messenger: hi queen

(10:51:44 PM) ladyruetha: Can't really talk right now, sweetie... but went ahead and added. :)

(10:52:14 PM) Random Messenger: why cant you talk?

(10:52:30 PM) ladyruetha: I'm a bit busy. :) 

(10:53:13 PM) Random Messenger: with phone sex calls eh?

(10:53:56 PM) Random Messenger: i saw your profile on (Website Redacted).......

(10:54:15 PM) Random Messenger: all women on there have their own websites, and most have "phone sex" listings with Niteflirt as well........thats why i ask

(11:00:46 PM) ladyruetha: Actually, not tonight... but perhaps soon.

(11:01:13 PM) Random Messenger: well count me out

(11:01:27 PM) Random Messenger: i'm definitely not into paying 2 bucks a minute to talk to someone..lol

(11:01:28 PM) Random Messenger: no offense

(11:06:31 PM) Random Messenger: but i would like very much to be hypnotized by you

(11:06:36 PM) Random Messenger: let me put my cam on for you..hang on

(11:07:26 PM) ladyruetha: I don't use cam.

(11:07:32 PM) ladyruetha: And I did say I'm busy?

(11:10:23 PM) Random Messenger: well i'm sorry, but your going to need to get a cam,

(11:10:32 PM) Random Messenger: and unfortunately, i must insist you ignore the other "loser" and talk to me

(11:12:40 PM) ladyruetha: The other "loser" is in the room with me and giggling like a loon right now. Maybe he'll write someone like you into one of his stories.

(11:13:55 PM) Random Messenger: well the only reason he is there, and i'm not........is because you dont "know me" :)

(11:14:32 PM) Random Messenger: he is a pathetic loser, and i  am twice the man he will ever be........furthermore, you would "pick" me over that pathetic worm of a man i guarentee.....its just that you dont "know me"

(11:15:15 PM) Random Messenger: he is the lowest form of a weak, pathetic, helpless male i have ever come across........he is more pathetic than a puppy dog

(11:15:23 PM) ladyruetha: LOLOLOLOL -Do tell.

(11:16:13 PM) Random Messenger: tell me, when you see him naked, do you "laugh" at how small of a penis he has? does it remind you of a "vienna sausage"?

(11:16:58 PM) ladyruetha: Hee. You are so very funny. I have to go, but do feel free to keep talking. I'll read it tomorrow.

(11:18:29 PM) Random Messenger: ok sweety, talk to you then

 Tomorrow, I will break this down and explain what he did wrong for those who don't get it. Today, I just want to let this stand as it is... a monument to "HAHAHAHAHAHANO."

My Latest Float Session

I had a fantastic massage and float tank session last week, sponsored by one of my Chosen. This was the best session I've yet enjoyed, confirming my suspicion that the more you do them, the more you get out of them.

I started out without any plans for meditation. While I'm currently meditating on Air in my spiritual life, I decided to simply let my Deep Self guide my experience this time. One of the themes I've been exploring these last few months is trusting my Deep Self to tell me its needs and, by extension, my needs.

So I showered, got into the warm water, and floated. "OK, Deep Self, what do we need to experience today?"

Almost immediately I was flooded with a sense of love and compassion for my deepest self and my body. It was so sudden and unexpected that I found myself holding my breath for a moment. As I exhaled the surprise and tension left my body and I floated in multiple senses.

It is no shock to hear that fat people have body issues. What was still new and unexpected was the sense that I was listening to my own voice. "Gods, you are beautiful. Look at what your body has done!" This was followed by a list of the amazing things my body does, did, and will do. While (as many of you know) I advocate body love and incorporate it into my recordings, this was not the same words I have previously recorded, either for others or for my own private use.

The words were accompanied by a sense of being held and loved. Float tanks are supposed to recreate the womb, but this was not maternal. Neither was it sexual. It simply was, and I have no idea how long it lasted.

I kept this sense of love all week, which was rather important as a GI bug hit me Wednesday. All through that time, I kept talking to my body with that sense of love and compassion as I tranced as much as I could and cheered my T-cells on.

Isn't trance an amazing thing?

Isn't it wonderful when a Domme is feeling inspired? I can't wait for this year to get going. Letting things rest fallow was the right thing to do...

Solstice Eve Night

And so, here we are, my friends. It is Solstice Eve Night. It feels like I have journeyed a long way this evening, so forgive me if I relax for a bit, won't you?

I have long decried the myths of The Perfect Domme. One of those myths is that we are always in the space to be dominant the fact is that over the past year, I haven't been there at all. I have found myself restricting my desire to dominate to my Chosen, a few select pets, and otherwise trying to live a relatively "normal" and mundane life. I promised myself I would try harder to be dominant outside that circle, but just didn't feel it so much. Writing the post about my Seran was an important step, but insufficient.

I needed to step back a bit and look at the things that are important to me. This became even more true as it became obvious that a new, mundane-level job would limit my travel. Friends from the community are moving on, doing their own thing, and while I by no means claim to have planted all of the seats, it was nice to see so many of those I did plant growing.

I have said before that, without being selfish, my dominance is still about me and what I want. That is still true. I have decided that I'm still interested in an online training program, still interested in putting out CDs and MP3s, still interested in exploring the joy of trance play with my Chosen and pets. What I am not interested in is do-me "submissives" even, most of the time, in a phone sex context. I have enjoyed that before, and I probably will again; there is much to appreciate about what Erica Jong called the "zipless fuck."

But right now, there are my Chosen and pets to tend, there are e-mails to write to loving friends who have been so patient with me (HypnoMedia, Vassal, Jaya, Amitus, I'm talking to you here!), And there are decisions to make as to which events I will attend next year and in what capacity.

As we enter the new year, I wish for everyone so many good things. I have two weddings to attend next year, weddings of hypnotic friends. I have books to write. (And thank you, LeeAllure, for your support… I will be writing you very soon as well!) I have the online training program to record and get posted. There is so much positive coming, and I choose to revel in it.

May you be blessed.

Post Deepmind Darkwood

As I sit here knitting on my day off, I look back at this weekend with a huge smile on my face.

I'm never sure just how much I can talk about the events which I attend. So often the most meaningful parts of any event are also the most private. I simply don't know if I have permission to discuss details that were so meaningful to me; I very much want to respect others' privacy.

Yet there is so much I want to share about this weekend. I want to talk about the discussion after the Power Animal meditation. I want to give my thoughts on the not-quite-Samhain ritual out by the fire pit. I want to talk about the confidences shared afterwards when we came in from the brief rain shower. I want to talk about how comfortable I felt. I want to talk about the cheerful energy, about the way everyone seemed to just flow with each other. If I thought there was a way I could do so without breaking privacy I would.

Instead, those words above will simply have to do. They will have to be the taste I give the world of how wonderful it was. They will have to express the joy in the calm and the re-centering. And maybe that's good enough. Maybe that's all I need to do, right now, to honor the others there and the emotions I felt.

I will say, however, that the strength of this community is growing and building. More and more people are finding value in each other, in sharing expertise, in learning from others' mistakes and in drawing inspiration from their fabulous successes. I think that maybe the most important thing of all: the sure and certain knowledge that we are not alone. There are other people out there who "get it" and who are happy-no, joyous-to continue to form community, to learn and play and grow.

If-gods forbid-I was to get hit by a bus tomorrow, I would feel good about this community and my contribution to helping you grow. Things are so very different from 10 years ago, when the only gathering sites were IRC, the Yahoo! chat rooms, and the MC stories messageboard. 10 years ago, even picking up the phone to call someone else in the community was considered a brave and daring act. Now play happens on a frequent basis.

I honestly don't know what the next decade will bring. 10 years ago, Deepmind Darkwood would have been just a fantasy. NEEHU would have been beyond imagination. Yet these things did happen, are happening, and will go on. For that, I am deeply and profoundly grateful.

Deepmind Darkwood Was Awesome!

I'm sitting on the plane waiting for departure on the way back from Deepmind Darkwood, a small hypnosis weekend retreat in New England. I got to see friends I hadn't seen since Hypnoticon, meet some new people, present on Finding Your Power Animal, hold a sort of pre-Samhain ritual around a fire under the waning moon, and get an amazing massage to boot. In fewer than 18 hours, I had a whole weekend of awesome.

I wish I could have been there for longer (had to work Friday and Sunday nights), but the chance of it happening next year is incredibly high. I really hope it does!

Special thanks to:
LeeAllure and MrDream for making it happen, for getting me there and for friendship
Lee'sMandy for picking me up at the airport
Everyone who volunteered in the kitchen! We'd be lost without you!
My sleepykitten for tending to me
My Vassal for ongoing awesomeness
Everyone who participated in the ritual

Now I need sleep!

Seven Things That Cross My Mind A Lot

7. Sex. :)

6. My spirituality. I'm very pagan. Especially at this time of year, I feel a keen connection to the Earth and Nature. I tend to listen to music with a spiritual bent at work, f'rinstance.

5. Science. I also love science and get very annoyed when people get stupid about topics like evolution. It works, bitches!

4. My family. I don't talk about them on a kink blog for obvious reasons, of course!

3. Random bs. What would the spawn of Reid and Garcia on Criminal Minds be like? Why is the music for Bladerunner so loud... It makes people annoyed with Vangelis? What kind of bird is that? Did my cat mean to bark just then? (Jukebox and I abet each other in this.)

2. At the moment? Holiday gifts. :)

1. Love. For my Chosen, for my pets, for my friends.