Monday, November 22, 2010

How To Attract A HypnoDomme: Part Two: Before You Go Looking

So after being absolutely levelled by the flu last week, I'm getting back to writing. Here's the next installment in the series.

I was going to make this "That Vital First Impression," but as the week went by I realized that's not the first step. The first step is not about meeting, but about the groundwork that needs to be done before you even go out and look. And the first step in that for a submissive is beginning to understand your own needs and wants.

Many submissives forget that their own needs and wants have value. After all, as I tell people, "It's all about me," meaning me-as-Domme. And it is. On the other hand, if I'm not going to meet the submissive's needs, then the relationship is going to go nowhere very quickly. That sucks for all concerned. It's a lot more fun to deal with a submissive who knows what zie wants than to deal with one who has no idea.

That doesn't mean you have to know all of what you want, or reveal it right away. Sometimes it can be fun to be in deep hypnosis and hear yourself confessing your deepest wants to the warm voice that soothes your mind. But if you want that scenario, you already have one thing to say: "I like to feel like my needs are being pulled out of me and I can't stop it." Boom, you have a desire you can express!

Before you start a search for a Domme, sit down and think about your wants and needs. It helps if you write them down. Be honest with yourself, and sometimes it helps if you put things on a scale of one to ten in order of how important they are to you.

Are looks important to you? For some people, they're critical. If that's the case, be up front with yourself. You don't want to meet a Domme and discover she does nothing for you sexually, after all. Do you want a certain type of appearance? Build? Clothing? If so, are those things in and of themselves fetishes for you?

How about voice? Ability to meet up with your Domme in person? Knowing you will never be required to meet in person? (That might be important for married folk who wish to be secret about the affair.) Do you want your Domme to have other skills than hypnosis (bondage, sensory play, et cetera)? Do you expect to be monogamous, or are other partners OK? How about playing with others for Her pleasure? Make sure you know your boundaries!

Are you willing to pay for what you want, or do you want a lifestyle-only relationship? How much time do you want to spend submitting? (It's absolutely OK to want a non-24/7 relationship. Those are not the be-all and end-all of submission.)

This is only a partial list of things you may want to consider. Decide how important each is for you (for example, looks are not important, but you aren't going to pay for anything and you want to have a part-time D/s relationship while you look for other life partners). Remember that these wants and desires are fluid! You will find them changing throughout your time submitting. (When I first met Jukebox, for instance, public shirt-off was a limit. He's now very happy fully nude when permitted at cons!)

Next, come up with an introduction. This should be a few lines about yourself that you can readily give when you contact a Domme. We'll talk a bit more about this in the next installment, but think carefully about what you want to say. It should include important things for her to know right off about you. An example might be: "Hello... my name is [name], I'm a [age] [gender] who is looking for a hypnotic Domme while I explore submission. I'm [marital status], looking for a [full/part/very casual]-time relationship and I am/not willing to pay for time. Some of my interests are [insert here], some of my non-sexual hobbies are [insert here]. Would you be interested in talking further?"

Knowing yourself and your wants and needs can save you and your Dominant partner a lot of time, headaches, and maybe even heartache. Do this step. You'll be glad you did.

1 comment:

  1. I wish this thing had a "like" button lol. I was looking for one because this is a very good piece. I see so many people who do the "will you be my Mistress?" randomly to everyone, with no information about what they want or hardly anything else that may be pertinent. This is very cool.