Monday, January 17, 2011

How To Attract A HypnoDomme: Part Four: That Critical First Impression

So you have your profile, you have your brief intro, and you have looked around for a Domme or two that you feel might mesh with you. So far, so good!

Now it's time to send a message. This might potentially be the hardest part of all.

If you are not in an actual chat with her, you want to send an email or a mail through the site, instead of opening a chat window, unless her profile specifically says that is welcome. Why? Because she might be text-hypnotizing someone! I've often told people that Domspace is a trance too, and no one likes having their trance, their focus, interrupted. Furthermore, if you were the person being hypnotized, you would want her focus on you.

Instead, send a message to her via a mail or message client on the site. Use your prepared intro, and ask if there's a time you can talk. Let her know she can feel free to add you and chat with you. If you've already taken the (advisable) step of listening to any free files she might have, letting her know which ones you enjoyed and why might also be a good thing. Ask if you can friend her.

Then step back. Not for a few hours... for a few days. Dommes are busy - for example, I go out of town a lot, and don't have time to answer messages until I get back. A delay doesn't mean she doesn't want to talk. She could be just that busy.

If you are lucky enough to be in an actual chat with her and she goes silent, please do not say "I'm sorry, I must be bothering you, I'll let you go." That tells her what she should be feeling. It's rude in any case with anyone, but with a Domme it's bad form. Instead, say something like "Please let me know when you're back, I'd love to keep talking with you." It acknowledges she may be busy without seeming in any way passive-aggressive.

If you are in a chat with her, ask her how she would like to be addressed. I prefer "Lady" to "Mistress," for instance. "Goddess" is something I reserve for my pets. A new potential sub starting right out calling me "Goddess" might annoy me, depending on my mood. Other Dommes prefer "Mistress" or "Goddess" right off the bat. A little bit of common courtesy goes a long way.

Also, there is a fine line between assuming her wants and desires for the conversation are more important and making her do all the work of keeping the conversation going. For instance, if she asks you about yourself and you say "What would you like to know," you're making her do the work. Expand on the quick intro you've already given her. If something interests her, she'll follow up with more questions.

Finally, for the sake of all that's holy, use proper spelling, grammar, and punctuation. You want to show you are an intelligent person. There are many Dommes for whom inappropriate grammar and spelling are like nails down the chalkboard. It also highlights D/s conventions more... if you're always using lower case, will a deferential "i" stand out? More than once, I've asked a sub if his "y" and "o" keys were broken, because he kept referring to me as "u." More than one Domme has commiserated with me over the issue. Respect her. Act like you're educated. :)

Suppose you've let a few days go by and no response. You might send another message just saying you're checking in and you would still like to chat. You're available at the following times; would any of those work for her or would she prefer to propose a time? That shows respect and deference.

Doing these things help make your first impression more positive.

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