Wednesday, January 12, 2011

How To Attract A HypnoDomme: Part Three: Starting Your Search

So now you have your quick introduction written. You've done some self-examination. It's time to go out and look for the Lady of your dreams!

There are numerous sites out there where you can find other like-minded people. If you don't already have an account at your chosen search sites, create one. Fill out your profile with the information you decided on earlier. I repeat: fill out your profile. Make sure you put more in there than your kinky interests. A real person is more attractive than someone who only wants sex. (Although if that is what you want, go on and put that in too. Honesty is frequently appealing.)

Another hint here: If you're not interested in professionals at all, put that in there... but you don't have to put in a dissertation about how D/s should always be free and pro Dommes are whores. Many lifestyle-only Dommes have professional friends and may be offended.

If you are comfortable with it, have a picture with your profile. Some sites allow art for pictures, others insist it be you. I prefer those that allow art because I understand that sometimes it's not safe to have a picture of yourself. If you do put up a picture of yourself, for the sake of all that's holy, don't make it a penis shot. You can always give one of those if asked.

Regardless of where you go looking - and if you're here, I assume you know some of the usual haunts - there's one thing that's absolutely, positively critical once you've filled out your own profile and started looking. It seems intuitive, but you'd be surprised how few people do it.

Read the Domme's profile and website.

You've gone through all that work to decide what you want. Yet many s-types message the first Domme that matches the search, instead of reading what she has to say about herself! Please, please avoid this mistake. It can save you a lot of heartache later. The time you invest at this stage can also save you both wasted time, if you find out right off the bat simply by reading that you would not match this Domme.

With tabbed browsers the norm these days, all you need to do is open her webpage(s) in another tab. You don't even need to lose your search in the process.

After you find one, or two, or more Dommes who look like you might match their needs and wants, it's time for the next step: That Critical First Impression.


  1. I'm going to be honest here. For most people, trying to attract a Hypnodomme would be like laying down Reese's Pieces in hope of E.T. coming in, but turning on the light and finding yet another hungry badger in their bedroom. I can see perfectly how there can be advice about impressing a dominant (in the broader sense), or how to broach the subject of hypnosis with a girlfriend / spouse. Really, though, how many Hypnodommes are there out there who aren't either pro or nuts? (Have to throw it out there that I struck the Gong after having someone tell me that they were surprised at my openness with sharing a personal fantasy, given that FBI agents were watching us). Nowadays I make friends with those who mesh, hypnosis or no hypnosis, and can't worry myself about finding The One. It's a zoo out there.

  2. Thanks for the feedback, DH. :) I'm writing this partly in response to messages I get on different sites, but also because I am asked how to attract a Domme a lot and figured that I'd put it all down in one place.

    I know quite a few Dommes who aren't pro or nuts. Jaya, f'rinstance, was actively looking for someone a few months back (don't know if she still is). Sometimes slots open up. I take personal pets, as you know, despite being pro. So I think this is a valid topic. :)

  3. Yes, my snarky side sometimes shows. Thank you for taking my feedback in stride. :-)

    My reaction was sufficiently strong that I wanted to think more on why I felt that way. My own experiences certainly have some bearing on my emotions, but it could also be because I have not identified as a 'pure' submissive for some time now. I'm not a Dom, but I've done dom'ish things before. I've actually been fortunate enough to have quality interaction with tops, dommes, switches and many others in the past year or so, and I've made good friends. Formal introductions and protocol do seem foreign to me, because I appreciate informality and have no formal experience in BDSM [and that is a challenge itself because there's a chicken / egg thing - how do I know about what or who I really am and enjoy unless I am actively engaged in exploration?].

    I suppose what I was primed to read was a "How to Attract a Quality Switch / Hypnotic Playmate", because that's what I'd love to find. While advice for that may carry over in some ways from attracting a Domme, there are bound to be some differences. I'd love to have the good fortune and experiences to write that article some day.

    You're right, in that it is a valid topic, and I hope submissives can learn much from your advice. Take care!

  4. You know I love you, DH. :) Hoping to meet in person sometime!