Solstice Eve Night

And so, here we are, my friends. It is Solstice Eve Night. It feels like I have journeyed a long way this evening, so forgive me if I relax for a bit, won't you?

I have long decried the myths of The Perfect Domme. One of those myths is that we are always in the space to be dominant the fact is that over the past year, I haven't been there at all. I have found myself restricting my desire to dominate to my Chosen, a few select pets, and otherwise trying to live a relatively "normal" and mundane life. I promised myself I would try harder to be dominant outside that circle, but just didn't feel it so much. Writing the post about my Seran was an important step, but insufficient.

I needed to step back a bit and look at the things that are important to me. This became even more true as it became obvious that a new, mundane-level job would limit my travel. Friends from the community are moving on, doing their own thing, and while I by no means claim to have planted all of the seats, it was nice to see so many of those I did plant growing.

I have said before that, without being selfish, my dominance is still about me and what I want. That is still true. I have decided that I'm still interested in an online training program, still interested in putting out CDs and MP3s, still interested in exploring the joy of trance play with my Chosen and pets. What I am not interested in is do-me "submissives" even, most of the time, in a phone sex context. I have enjoyed that before, and I probably will again; there is much to appreciate about what Erica Jong called the "zipless fuck."

But right now, there are my Chosen and pets to tend, there are e-mails to write to loving friends who have been so patient with me (HypnoMedia, Vassal, Jaya, Amitus, I'm talking to you here!), And there are decisions to make as to which events I will attend next year and in what capacity.

As we enter the new year, I wish for everyone so many good things. I have two weddings to attend next year, weddings of hypnotic friends. I have books to write. (And thank you, LeeAllure, for your support… I will be writing you very soon as well!) I have the online training program to record and get posted. There is so much positive coming, and I choose to revel in it.

May you be blessed.

Post Deepmind Darkwood

As I sit here knitting on my day off, I look back at this weekend with a huge smile on my face.

I'm never sure just how much I can talk about the events which I attend. So often the most meaningful parts of any event are also the most private. I simply don't know if I have permission to discuss details that were so meaningful to me; I very much want to respect others' privacy.

Yet there is so much I want to share about this weekend. I want to talk about the discussion after the Power Animal meditation. I want to give my thoughts on the not-quite-Samhain ritual out by the fire pit. I want to talk about the confidences shared afterwards when we came in from the brief rain shower. I want to talk about how comfortable I felt. I want to talk about the cheerful energy, about the way everyone seemed to just flow with each other. If I thought there was a way I could do so without breaking privacy I would.

Instead, those words above will simply have to do. They will have to be the taste I give the world of how wonderful it was. They will have to express the joy in the calm and the re-centering. And maybe that's good enough. Maybe that's all I need to do, right now, to honor the others there and the emotions I felt.

I will say, however, that the strength of this community is growing and building. More and more people are finding value in each other, in sharing expertise, in learning from others' mistakes and in drawing inspiration from their fabulous successes. I think that maybe the most important thing of all: the sure and certain knowledge that we are not alone. There are other people out there who "get it" and who are happy-no, joyous-to continue to form community, to learn and play and grow.

If-gods forbid-I was to get hit by a bus tomorrow, I would feel good about this community and my contribution to helping you grow. Things are so very different from 10 years ago, when the only gathering sites were IRC, the Yahoo! chat rooms, and the MC stories messageboard. 10 years ago, even picking up the phone to call someone else in the community was considered a brave and daring act. Now play happens on a frequent basis.

I honestly don't know what the next decade will bring. 10 years ago, Deepmind Darkwood would have been just a fantasy. NEEHU would have been beyond imagination. Yet these things did happen, are happening, and will go on. For that, I am deeply and profoundly grateful.

Deepmind Darkwood Was Awesome!

I'm sitting on the plane waiting for departure on the way back from Deepmind Darkwood, a small hypnosis weekend retreat in New England. I got to see friends I hadn't seen since Hypnoticon, meet some new people, present on Finding Your Power Animal, hold a sort of pre-Samhain ritual around a fire under the waning moon, and get an amazing massage to boot. In fewer than 18 hours, I had a whole weekend of awesome.

I wish I could have been there for longer (had to work Friday and Sunday nights), but the chance of it happening next year is incredibly high. I really hope it does!

Special thanks to:
LeeAllure and MrDream for making it happen, for getting me there and for friendship
Lee'sMandy for picking me up at the airport
Everyone who volunteered in the kitchen! We'd be lost without you!
My sleepykitten for tending to me
My Vassal for ongoing awesomeness
Everyone who participated in the ritual

Now I need sleep!

Seven Things That Cross My Mind A Lot

7. Sex. :)

6. My spirituality. I'm very pagan. Especially at this time of year, I feel a keen connection to the Earth and Nature. I tend to listen to music with a spiritual bent at work, f'rinstance.

5. Science. I also love science and get very annoyed when people get stupid about topics like evolution. It works, bitches!

4. My family. I don't talk about them on a kink blog for obvious reasons, of course!

3. Random bs. What would the spawn of Reid and Garcia on Criminal Minds be like? Why is the music for Bladerunner so loud... It makes people annoyed with Vangelis? What kind of bird is that? Did my cat mean to bark just then? (Jukebox and I abet each other in this.)

2. At the moment? Holiday gifts. :)

1. Love. For my Chosen, for my pets, for my friends.

Eight Ways To My Heart

8. Be geeky. I really can't emphasize that enough out of my last several partners, I met almost all of them online, and the one I didn't I met at DragonCon.
7. Back scratches. Back rubs. Foot rubs. Brush my hair. Touches that are sensual, but not necessarily sexual.
6. Be willing to put up with my cheesy fascinations for things like true crime, The Amazing Race, big weather and Earth science, and other completely random but fun to me things.If you those things as well it goes a long way.
5. Bring me wildflowers. I don't care much for roses. I am not a hothouse flower kind of woman. Unfortunately I am also really bad at keeping live plants alive.
4. Similarly, forget expensive jewelry or "standard" romantic gifts. I like the funny, the practical, and the thoughtful.
3. Show me you can have a good time without needing to drink. I am not a fan of alcohol. While it is okay if you personally enjoy the taste, don't expect me to join in, and be aware that drinking to excess is a sure way out of my heart.
2. Watch sports with me. I enjoy curling, American football, sumo, hockey, and (in small doses) what most of the world calls football. During the Olympics, I will watch just about anything if I'm bored. I don't play fantasy leagues and I don't gamble, but man, it's fun to watch!
1. Be willing to sleep with me. I'm not talking about sex. I'm talking about curling up for a nap together. It feels wonderful, it's cozy, and it builds trust for me.


This is the first blog post dictated on my voice dictation software. It didn't do too badly! I'm learning to use it so that I can do things with my hands while I'm also telling a story, working on trance scripts, or other fun things. If you see something that looks a little odd, and you don't think I noticed, please tell me.

Nine Things About Me

1. When adoring me, it is far better to pet me lightly than to hold me tightly.
2. I am straight down the middle bisexual but my relationships with women haven't gone as well as I'd have hoped.
3. I watch a lot more TV than I did five years ago, but I also read far more than I did then. DVR makes it possible for me to enjoy TV without my ADD kicking in too hard. It never bothered me when I read.
4. I am not grabby with my Chosen. Still, ask first before play!
5. I would much rather watch two of my beloved have sex than be in the middle of a threesome.
6. I am talentless in the kitchen.
7. It's as if my life has a divider right along the line of the century. My 20th and 21th century life are radically different.
8. I am a much calmer person with adequate sleep. I never get it, though.
9. I've spent ten minutes trying to think of what number nine should be!

Ten Things I've Wanted To Say To Ten Different People

I assigned my pets and Chosen this one... might as well jump in myself!

1. Hell froze over when you apologized. I'm so glad you did. The healing isn't perfect, but it's a damn sight better than it was. Thank you for owning your mistakes. I own mine too: I saw you as idealized, and I kept hoping you would find comfort and peace in us. We were too different. Namaste.
2. A part of me is missing tonight and every night until we are together in physical space again. I worry I am not strong enough to be ethical every time we part. I love you.
3. You have no idea how much I want you... but there's that lesbian sheep thing. I am trying to overcome my paralysis. I love you.
4. I keep thinking someday you're going to grow away from me and leave. I can't tell whether that's common sense or abandonment issues talking! I love you.
5. I love you and your rage scares me. Please get help.
6. You are so strong. Own your strength. I love you.
7. To multiple people: I miss howling together. I miss the Parkway under the full moon. I miss the time when the world was so simple that what happened online seemed to matter. I hope those memories make you happy as they do me. I love you all!
8. I don't even know if you're alive, but you imprinted me and shaped me. I don't know if I feel joy in what we experienced or pity for what followed. 26 years later, a full quarter of a century, and I can still see your eyes and smell your scent. I hope you are well. I fear you aren't.
9. I am utterly and completely shattered on a primal level by your loss. I hope you would be proud of me. I still cry thinking of you. I hope you are resting in peace. I fear that my grief prohibits that. The world is darker and less safe.
10. Please forgive yourself. You are not perfect. You are a good person who has sometimes made less than ideal choices. You are talented and creative no matter what your inner tape recordings tell you. You are worthy of being loved. Please let go of the energy of the memories that make you cry out aloud like a whiplash. Failing that, get yourself beaten so you can do penance and be done, OK? I love you, even when you can't accept it.

Helping My Chosen Succeed

I love giving my Chosen assignments and then doing little things to help them. Not the actual work, mind, but just some... like assigning one to start a blog on his favorite TV show and then DVRing episodes so that he can watch while he visits, perhaps seeing new episodes and building up a backlog for the fallow times.

It's a happy.

On Loss and Mourning a Pet

I know it's been two months. Let me explain the silence.

As you know if you've been reading, I lost one of my beloved Chosen to offline and non-D/s life needs a few months back. It happened shortly before NEEHU, while my life was insanely busy with family and cons and new job.

Then right after NEEHU I got my current non-D/s job, and I put hypnosis on hold to get back into having a 9-5 again. (And it is 9-5, two days of the week. The other two it's 9-9. It's just pm-am instead of am-pm.) And that was an easy call to make, because I didn't want to hypnotize anyone except my Chosen and a couple of other people.

I beat myself up a lot over this, but over time I've come to realize that I hadn't allowed myself to mourn the loss of one of my best friends. I didn't want to write. I didn't want to trance.

Then I got the package he sent with his hypno-stuff, and that was an emotional (although not malicious!) gut-punch. His under-pillow headset for listening to files. His files, all carefully labelled. And the saddest part of all was my Valentine's gift to him from a couple of years back: a cross-stitch that said "Be Mine."

It sounds so silly. We'd joked that we all knew it was a command, not a cheesy statement of cliched romance. But love was what it meant.

I hear so often that Dommes don't love their subs, they only use them. Nothing could be further from the truth. My Chosen are family. They are lovers. They are loved.

I had known him since 2000. Staring at the snow-white cloth with red flowers and letters, I felt the loss brutally keenly.

I still completely support him. I trust him to do what he needs to do. But admitting I missed him while shoving the feelings away didn't help.

This last week, while dealing with unrelated strong sadness (don't worry, everyone is fine), I came to realize why this fallow period has been so strong. I miss my Seran, my star. It hurts.

I just want him to be OK.

Day-to-Day Frustration

I have a good day job now, while we recover from the damage caused by Jukebox being out of work. I love the team, the environment, the company attitude. Once I get on nights, I'll even love the hours.

Right now, though, it feels like my life is on hold until I know my permanent schedule. Just a few things I have to wait on:

* I can't get a schedule in place to make sure I have dates with my Chosen. This is really bugging me.

* I can't take calls on a regular basis.

* Having to get up at 0530 is killing my evening phone time too.

* My physical fitness projects are on hold.

* Visiting Chosen and pets is impossible to schedule.

*Cant record either.

With all of this, I have to vent a bit. I just want to know my schedule so I can begin to adjust my life.

Fallow Times Happen...

It feels like I'm waiting on a lot right now. Waiting on holding some of my Chosen again. Waiting to find the words to describe NEEHU2's Saturday, Sunday, and Monday... especially the collaring ceremony. Waiting on my Dommespace.

Domme/sub energy is like all energy: It ebbs and flows and swirls. Sometimes it's so powerfully strong that it feels like primal fire. Sometimes it's so far receded that the rocky and sandy bottoms of life are painfully visible.

At NEEHU2 I could feel it so very powerfully, and since then the tide has mostly been in. This week and weekend I see the seabed grasses, despite the waters being wind-whipped into froth.

It is almost Dark Moon, and I feel the urge to curl into myself. I have never been one who finds true power in darkness. I find it in light and illumination and revelation. And so I curl into myself, and I wait for the words to flow again.

They will. Ebb and flow and swirl and change itself is the one constant. I silence myself and wait for their return.

**grin** About some incongruities with that last post...

Saturday, I had a migraine. But I really, really wanted to get the next NEEHU blog up... so I told Jukebox "You're going to take dictation for me, pet."

And I rested on the bed with my eyes closed and dictated the blog entry to him. It was fun, it was useful, and we might do it again soon... but he DOES capitalize me reflexively. So if you were wondering where all the "My" and "Me" and "Mine" came from, well, it's because of him.

Hee. So cute.

Next NEEHU installment tomorrow!

NEEHU Thoughts and Memories, Part Two

Once again, a reminder that these are memories and impressions that may not seem to make sense to people used to following things as a blow-by-blow description, but they're My thoughts and memories and this feels right.

Friday morning, waking between my loves, asking Copper, "Did you sleep?" and being relieved to hear him say, "Yes." He does not always sleep easily in strange places. Didn't ask Jukebox that--I knew the answer. Hearing the sounds of Glacilux and Lyinar going out of the room to get breakfast, and I know it's time for me to get my shower. But the Mythbusters couldn't drag Me out of bed between My consorts with a C4 explosion.

Eventually, we all have to get up and get ready to go to the con hotel. I am the last one out of bed. The shower feels wonderful. Lyinar does not feel so happy, as he realizes that he is the "shuttle" taking us between hotels (after driving sixteen hours the previous day.) Copper and Lyinar and I are the first to go over, and we check in. Copper and I go up to a room that can only be described as "sumptuous". After a moment of wandering around, exclaiming, I realize that this might be My last time alone with him all weekend. I have never been good at resisting temptation, and at this moment I throw Myself into it headfirst. Funny, those moans didn't sound like they were complaints.

Others arrive, and it is time to pick up Twinklie at the airport. Lyinar, Sleepykitten and I make the drive. She is travel-stressed and ravenous; the first duty of a Dominant is to ensure the well-being of a submissive. We take care of her hunger, and immediately her mood perks up.

Back at the hotel room, I try on various wonderful lingerie, gifts from My Wish List and from pets and admirers. Jukebox once again falls victim to My hypnotic breasts. Oh darn. Funny, those sighs didn't sound like complaints. (Mental note: Must remember to get more lingerie that shows My breasts. I am more used to boy-shorts than g-strings and I think that I will go back to them in the future, but some of the lingerie was really nice. It felt good on My skin.) I feel Myself sliding more and more into Dommespace, and it feels wonderful.

I know I'm forgetting things from in here, but My memories are all sense, and so I find it hard to explain the swirling dance of sense-memories that I experience when I try to put it into words. There is Lyinar, finally getting to rest his swollen legs after obeying Me so well, shuttling people from one hotel to the other. There is Reth expounding on the glories of techno music (yet again.) There is Glacilux moving around the kitchen with glorious surety, not My pet but a treasured friend. There is Twinklie shedding the travel-weariness and being admired by every eye. There is Sleepykitten being petted. There are cheesy forensic shows on the television. There is the touch of Copper, and of Sleepyhead, and up close as I hug them, the unique, familiar and intoxicating sense of My loves. There is Jukebox, typing on the computer as always, because he can no more stop writing than stop breathing, even if it is only to comment on a blog post somewhere. And all of this is mixing, combining, rich and full and full of life.

And then it is time to go to the Society. We go downstairs and Sleepyhead and I get a ride with a kind gentleman and his lady (who I soon find that I have known for years on the MC Forums.) Along the way, I call Wiseguy and find that he and Dani are there, having dinner with a mutual dear friend and will be at the Society as soon as they can. The Society is a wonderful place, and if you are in New England, I urge you to take advantage of its hospitality. It is clean, appropriately lit, and comfortable. If I was in Connecticut, I would have immediately bought a membership. As it is, I am considering ways to support them long-distance, because a place such as the Society is a community treasure.

After signing in, I find Myself already giving hugs. Before long, it becomes clear to Me that this really is like a party with one hundred of My favorite people in the world. At My wedding in "real life", I did not have as many people that I was genuinely and thoroughly happy to see. Old friends, and those I had never previously met, were everywhere. I hypnotized Sleepykitten and sent her to enjoy her role as a hypnotized servant girl. One of the delights of the evening is whispering, "Deeper and deeper," to her every time I see her and watching her trance deeper. In her kitty ears and her play collar, she looks adorable. (We need to find her an appropriate tail.)

And then Vassal is there, and I hug him and run My fingers through his curls, so happy to see him. He also will be staying with us. If the room at the hotel was a sensationary swirl, this is a tidal wave. Electric candles, chocolate on every table, delicious food, laughter and conversation, colors, and the warmth of camaraderie and hugs, skin and fabric. I introduce the stage show, and I expect to go up on stage...but there are so many good subjects to go up that instead I watch. Copper is by My side and I wonder how he is doing, as in North MOFN, there are never this many people in one place, and no more than ten times this many people in the entire town.

The stage show is funny and respectful. I know almost everyone on stage, and I delight in their creativity and hypnotizability. Then the "Hypnosis Slam" starts, when people can just get up in front of the crowd and show off their abilities as either a subject or a hypnotist. I am quickly tranced by Wiseguy, turned around and given a post-hypnotic to hug a beautiful (and willing) friend and that I will be stuck to her. Oh darn. Funny, those giggles don't sound like complaints from Me. As it happens, because I am short, I am at exactly the right height to appreciate her corset. Did I mention "Oh darn"?

It is going to be an early morning, and a long day the next day. I go back to the hotel earlier than I would have liked, but bloodshot eyes are less hypnotic than well-rested ones. Once again, I drift to sleep between My loves, in bliss.

NEEHU Thoughts and Memories

As I've said in this blog before, my being kinesthetic means I experience memory as flashes of visuals and audio, combined with bodily sensations. As a result, this post is going to be a lot like that. A simple chronological summary of this event would be so cold... And the event was warm, warm and enveloping.

Thursday: up so early, snuggled up with Jukebox and Sleepykitten waiting for the plane. A short hop to Milwaukee, then a longer one on a smaller plane to Hartford. Strong winds on landing, but everything is smooth.

Heading to the Econolodge, amazed at the size of the room. Curling up next to the warmth of Jukebox's loving embrace, whispering him to sleep and then letting the rhythm of his breath lull me. Waking soon after, knitting, exchanging messages with those arriving.

And then Copper is there, tall, so real, and strong arms wrapping around me. Too much is never enough when we see each other so rarely. And Lyinar and Reth and Sleepyhead and Glacilux... Mad harmonious swirl of light and voices and laughing and hugs.

There is Chinese food, and there is hanging out. The senses are overwhelmed with people comparing phones, with the shower running as travel grunge-feeling is washed away. And there is a surpringly early one am bedtime, as the exhaustion of everyone's trips sinks in. We all are worried we will not sleep. All of us do.

I am between my Consorts. I listen to Jukebox's familiar gentle snores. I pet Copper's long (by my Will), soft hair. There is warmth and peace as I so-quietly entrance him to sleep. Soon after, soothed and lulled by their breathing, feeling quiet joy, I follow.

30 Days of Kink: Favorite Toy

Ha, you thought I'd forgotten about this, didn't you? Nope. :)

My favorite toy is my metronome. Mind you, each of my Chosen has given me a pocket watch as a gift, and I love sparkly balls and watches and crystals and yummy things.

But the metronome is so useful. It can be used as a visual focus ("look at the stylus as it swings back and forth" - kind of like a pocket watch upside-down). It can be used as a tactile stimulus ("how easy it is to imagine that with each tick of the metronome, you feel a gentle tap on your shoulder that reminds you to go deeper"). And, of course, it is the default hypnotic sound out there.

I adore my metronome. When I do videos, it will be a featured part of the soundscape.

NEEHU2 post about half done...

...there'd be more if it weren't for my new day job. :) So, instead, I'm going to mention that there will be a NEEHU3. Today the first email from the incredible mephki went out to the planning committee. I'll be announcing dates as soon as they're finalized, although I do know when we're tentatively planning it. I also know we're seeking to use the same venue and hotel, and working on fixing transportation issues that might have made this year more challenging than some would have liked! These things have already come up as definite topics to be handled soon.

Keep watching this space!

May is Inappropriate Behavior Awareness Month

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

In Connecticut for NEEHU!

See you there! :)

30 Days of Kink: How do I dress for scene?

Flowy. Comfortable. Soft black lingerie, or nothing at all, underneath dresses from Holy Clothing. Everything has to be soft, everything has to be flowing, and if possible purple. Bare feet whenever I can. It always feels so good to be in that space.

30 Days of Kink: Image that's hot

OK, this is one of those low-energy days. I'm posting one image today, and I reserve the right to post more later.

And yes, this is with permission.

Why is this hot? Because he's mine, sitting in his brainwashing chair, listening to my voice blank his mind. Because he's deep and compliant and passive.

Hot.

30 Days of Kink: Day 2

Today is the list my kink day.

I think it can be safely said that most of my kinks are variants of the mind control kink and fetish, which leans heavily to hypnosis for me.

For example, rope is fun, but it's most fun for me in the way it makes someone **feel** vulnerable. Ditto other forms of bondage. Flogging, yeah, ok, but I love the altered state from the rhythm of it.

One exception is that I have enjoyed fire play and needle play - as a Dominant bottom. I am still controlling the scene, but I am experiencing the endorphins with bliss. (I actually typoed that at "enjorphins." Hee!)

But the mind control is primary. When I remove the ability for anyone to say anything other than "Yes, Goddess" (so long as they have a nonverbal signal they can use to safeword)... When they become a robotic toy... When their minds just shut down in ecstasy of trance... That's what does it for me.

30 Days of Kink

All right, I'll give this one a go. Why not? :) It might keep me blogging a bit more, since it's a prompt-based thing and right now the day job is taking all of my energy.

I got it, of course, from my sleepykitten's blog. She's working on it for fun and for her writing assignment quota from me, so you might enjoy it. She got it from here.

I don't plan on doing it in order. There will be a lot of days when my energy level is low enough to do only the most basic ones, and other days (like today) when I have more energy.


Day 1: Identification


I identify as a Dom-leaning switch. I'm not afraid to switch and submit to the right person, but I am extremely picky these days about who I let hypnotize me.

I have strong elements of service top in me, in that I really enjoy getting people off. Chastity is not really my thing. But then, for my own gratification, I use sexuality to work my commands deeper into peoples' beings.

I am a pagan, and my patron deity is Aphrodite. The Charge of the Goddess says "All acts of love and pleasure are My rituals," and I take that seriously... even when pleasure is also mixed with pain. My personal taste is not to inflict pain except on those who really enjoy it, but I acknowledge and honor and revere the sacred nature of pain and its transformational properties.

I have strong elements of voyeur to me when it comes to people I know. Just random porn or people do nothing for me, but the energy of people I enjoy being around being with one another is erotic and invigorating for me. Even the sound of that can bliss me out for hours.

I love begging. The sound of someone so aroused they can't stand it begging for my permission to come, to be brainwashed, is incredible.

Mostly, though, it's the agreement with someone to let me go into hir mind, sometimes changing even who sie is, and guide hir into an incredible experience, one sie never thought about before... that has power, and energy. And the way I do it, it's love.

And that's joy.

Atlanta Poly Weekend 2011

Last week was very tough for me emotionally. The loss of Seran, even though I'd always intellectually known it could happen, hurt. It didn't hurt more than I expected (or less, for that matter). The saving grace of it is my sure knowledge that the circumstances themselves could have been much, much more negative and less filled with mutual compassion and love.

Against that backdrop, I was rather surprised to get an email from Atlanta Poly Weekend in my box. You see, when I took the new day job I'd sent them a cancellation email. When I opened the schedule there I was on it.

Um. Oops!

I hadn't wanted to cancel. I really wanted to go to this one. I had a choice: make it work or become effectively a last-minute cancellation for them.

Six hours later, it was settled: I was to fly out Friday night. I got in touch with the APW folks and got moved on the schedule to a later time.

The con itself was wonderful. It was a cozy gathering of polyfolk of all ages. I found out that even among them, my relationship map is a bit odd. I discovered that a lot of people consider a 45-minute drive between partners to be a LDR. (The distance between me and my Copper blew some minds.) There were a few classes I would have loved to attend, but for one reason or another had to miss. My erotic hypnosis 101 class went over very well.

Best of all, I got to spend some wonderful, very much quality time with my Twinklie and my sleepyhead. The attraction between the two of them is so very much fun to play with... In fact, one might even call it magnetic. (At least it will be at NEEHU...)

Lying in bed with them while they had happy, warm hypnotic sex was a beautiful experience. (Bear in mind this was fully and joyfully consensual.) The lines of their bodies, the way their hypnotized voices blended, the rhythm of the motion, the heat coming from their joining... Mmmmmm. Falling asleep in each others' arms later, peacefully and blissfully dozing off, emotionally replete... I really needed every breath of it.

I am recharged and renewed by this weekend. I cannot wait for NEEHU!

Follow Your Dreams

This morning, Seran (aka FollowtheWatch) decided that his path has led him away from the hypnokink community. His reasons are his own, personal, and I support him fully and completely.

We are parting sadly but warmly, and I sincerely wish him light, long healthy life, and love. He gave me the ownership of the Virtual Hypnotist group (before I even knew he had done so) and I will be seeking a programmer to maintain his hard work.

He has asked that people refrain from attempting to contact him, send him positive energy, or pray for him. I am acceding to his wishes and ask all of my readers to do the same. If you have him on your contacts, please delete him. I know there are those who might find this request coming from someone not him odd, and under most circumstances I would agree. These aren't most circumstances.

Easter has deep meaning to him, and spring means new life. As he begins his, I hope you'll join me in wishing him well.

Sad decisions

It makes me sad to write this post... but reality is what it is, and being a Domme means facing it for the good of my family.

I am not able to make a living trancing full-time right now. I'm pretty sure it's the economy, but it's not working as well as I had hoped. Had I gotten started some time ago things might have been different. The good news is that I have a new job I start tomorrow.

What this means:

No daytime hours for the present, evening hours as I know my schedule at my new job.
I still love you all.
I will be communicating more by email, less by IM for the next few weeks.
Appointments in the evening are desirable.
Travel is severely cut back.

What this does not mean:
I am still keeping all of my Chosen, playing with my pets, and those Questing for me are still on Quest... that is NOT changing.
I am not quitting D/s.
I am NOT going to miss NEEHU.

I am sorry it has to be this way. Please support me and know that one day, be it six months or three years from now, I will be back doing D/s hypnosis full-time.

I love all of you!

Podcast is edited...

...just waiting on a few show notes to put it up.

I'm recording next week, and I know of three things I'm going to get recorded. I've been delighted by the response to Sleep Ray, and I can't wait to get Intoxication and the other Robot files up.

Tomorrow, more on FFF... ;)

Fetish Fair Flea, part 1

I think one of the main points of the weekend is illustrated by the fact that "the green glitter ball" is now a fetish on Fetlife. Yep, the same green glitter ball I brought to the play parties and was passed around for hours. People played with it, gazed into it, blanked out to it, and generally had a fantastic good time. I'm telling you, those are some of the best hypno-pervertables ever!

The weekend opened with Copper meeting Jukebox and me at the MSP airport. We had dinner, then boarded the plane. Copper was in trance before we even took off. Jukebox, respecting the fact that Copper and I hadn't had in-person time in a while, spent his flight working on the next book of short stories. We settled into the hotel and I tranced them again, some more. This Makes Me Happy.

Friday was supposed to be a hot tub day. Instead we slept in and wandered around a bit, checking in and waiting for people to arrive. I'm very glad we came in Thursday night, because Friday the lobby was a zoo. Because the doors were always opening, the marble floor was like ice on my bare feet! But I had a pretty pedicure done, and I decided I wanted to show it off, so I did.

Friday evening, I had a lovely Valentine's dinner at the Melting Pot with my consorts. After that, we went to the hypno meet and greet. I had a great time saying hello to people I'd met before and met some awesome new people. Went back to the room for a bit, and then the first hypnoparty started.

I brought my light and sound machine and my glitter ball toys, as well as watches and crystals and so on, and let people use them. There was a really hot trance with two women, and I tranced a few people, but I had to leave early because my class was at 9am on Saturday morning. Still, it was great to catch up with people and watch them all get cozy and trancy. I loved the wordless kinesthetic trance I did with one woman. She got all blissfully melty.

I think that people were far more eager to get into tranceplay this year. Last year Friday there was a bit of nerves and people being less willing to break the ice. Friday this time people were diving right into the hypnosis. It's a community progression as people become more comfortable, and I loved seeing it.

More tomorrow. :)

Whew, what a week or so...

Fetish Fair Flea Market came faster and with even more fun than I expected. Some of the highlights:

* Hanging out with Wiseguy and Dani again. Good friends are sometimes hard to find... I am lucky beyond belief to count these awesome people among mine.
* The tranquilizer dart. Hee.
* People who came out at 9am (!) to hear me give my hypnosis 101.
* People who then stopped by the NEHG table and got hypnotized.
* The Saturday Night Hypnoparty. Good grief, that was fun.
* The room induction on Sunday morning.
* Recording the next podcast with Doctor Slashblight.
* Fucking with Copper and Jukebox's heads ALL WEEKEND LONG. (YAY!)
* Making play dates for NEEHU.
* Vampire play with a lovely, adorable, snuggleable, sexy woman.
* The hot tub on Sunday night.
* People playing with the light and sound machines.
* The way people loved my sparkly glitter toy balls. Best. Pervertables. Ever.

Once again, I made so many new friends. I find my attention turning now rather firmly to NEEHU, but over the next couple of days I will be elaborating on the list above. I have to edit that podcast, though, and get it posted!

Tomorrow's Project: Redoing the CDbaby site!

I am not at all happy with the way it looks or behaves, so I'm going to do something about it. In fact, I'm going to devote part of every Wednesday to revamping one of my locations or sites - this week CDbaby, in coming weeks Blisstrance, here, EMCpodcast, Libsyn... I can do better than I'm doing.

What would you like to see on those sites?

Sleep Ray for Men and for Women is out!

There's an error right now with the text on the CDbaby page, but that should be fixed tomorrow. In the meantime, this wonderful and hot hypnotic fantasy CD is ready to buy!

In the far future, a scientific mission is on a far planet when an engineer makes a discovery: an anesthesia ray with the ability to blank the mind. And then that power is stolen...

Finally starting to feel better!

The last few days haven't left me with much to talk about, frankly. I haven't been trancing people very much and I don't have news to report on my projects. But it's so good to have energy back that I feel like I have to at least check in on the blog.

I am happier with how I've been posting a bit to the mailing lists lately. I am also happy that I got a podcast out last week, despite my feeling so awful. This week I'm going to be recording on hairbrushing and hypnosis, and then the next on ADD and hypnosis. Then the week after I might do a special Love Trance episode. I haven't done an induction in a while, and I miss doing them.

Of course I'm going to be recording some podcast stuff at FFF. I am trying to set up an interview with Doctor Slashblight, hypnotist and up-and-coming erotic hypno video producer. He's willing, it's just that I need to get time to record hammered out. The next week Copper will be in town, and with his voice and Jukebox's we might be able to do a story reading. That, again, is something I haven't done in a while and miss doing.

I am also looking forward to Valentine's Day. But more on that in future entries...

Don't go into trance just yet...

Someone tonight, a person who plans on meeting me at NEEHU2, said something about how he didn't want to disappoint me because he wouldn't be enough of a challenge for me. He thought he'd go into trance too easily.

I have news for people: there is no such thing as too easily. If there was, I'd be soooo bored with Jukebox by now... and everyone knows how I feel about my beautiful pet!

Honestly, having someone go into trance the moment I sit them down for it is incredibly hot for me. There are few things I enjoy as much as laughing and saying "Wait, not yet, I have to demo the pre-talk!" or "We need to negotiate!" or something similar.

So please, don't worry about being too easy for me. It's just fine for you to go into trance exactly as fast as you want to go. I can always bring you up if we need to do more. That's perfectly OK. I give you permission, when the time is right, to be hypnotized as deeply, as quickly as you need.

And enjoy it.

Wow, food poisoning SUCKS.

Really, really sucks.

But the new podcast is up, one of my pets wrote some really hot erotica for me, Copper will be here in a couple of weeks, and Sleep Ray will be out this weekend - Monday at the latest. So that's something! I'm in the process of cleaning out spam comments, and I plan to completely redo the podcast site over the next couple of months. It needs some love.

For now, though, offline to recover s'more. Did I mention food poisoning really sucks? :(

Just a quick checkin...

Antibiotics are a miracle of the modern world. I know several times that I would be far, far worse off without them. However, right now they're making me miserable. Fortunately the end is in sight. I'll be more active again soon!

Podcast 5.3 Posted!

You can listen to it here:

Upcoming Hypno Events: FFF and NEEHU2.

There's info in the show notes, and if you listen carefully you can hear my cat playing in the background.

Recording tomorrow for the CD for the Flea and for my own (nefarious? Muahahah?) purposes.

And today Jukebox and I measured for a home recording studio, and also for possible a home video studio...

Podcast 5.3 Recorded!

Editing tonight, and then posting tomorrow.

Also, Sleep Ray should be out in the next few days! And Thursday I'm recording my track for the Fetish Fair Flea CD, as well as a track to be launched at FFF. Again, can't wait.

I updated my website last night to include the video of me on TV. Samples of Sleep Ray are going up in a little bit. I'm taking calls tonight and tomorrow, of course.

Thursday is the meeting of the Focus Group in Minneapolis. Email for details! :) We're doing an induction practice.

Lots of little things happening... stay tuned for more!

How To Attract A HypnoDomme: Part Four: That Critical First Impression

So you have your profile, you have your brief intro, and you have looked around for a Domme or two that you feel might mesh with you. So far, so good!

Now it's time to send a message. This might potentially be the hardest part of all.

If you are not in an actual chat with her, you want to send an email or a mail through the site, instead of opening a chat window, unless her profile specifically says that is welcome. Why? Because she might be text-hypnotizing someone! I've often told people that Domspace is a trance too, and no one likes having their trance, their focus, interrupted. Furthermore, if you were the person being hypnotized, you would want her focus on you.

Instead, send a message to her via a mail or message client on the site. Use your prepared intro, and ask if there's a time you can talk. Let her know she can feel free to add you and chat with you. If you've already taken the (advisable) step of listening to any free files she might have, letting her know which ones you enjoyed and why might also be a good thing. Ask if you can friend her.

Then step back. Not for a few hours... for a few days. Dommes are busy - for example, I go out of town a lot, and don't have time to answer messages until I get back. A delay doesn't mean she doesn't want to talk. She could be just that busy.

If you are lucky enough to be in an actual chat with her and she goes silent, please do not say "I'm sorry, I must be bothering you, I'll let you go." That tells her what she should be feeling. It's rude in any case with anyone, but with a Domme it's bad form. Instead, say something like "Please let me know when you're back, I'd love to keep talking with you." It acknowledges she may be busy without seeming in any way passive-aggressive.

If you are in a chat with her, ask her how she would like to be addressed. I prefer "Lady" to "Mistress," for instance. "Goddess" is something I reserve for my pets. A new potential sub starting right out calling me "Goddess" might annoy me, depending on my mood. Other Dommes prefer "Mistress" or "Goddess" right off the bat. A little bit of common courtesy goes a long way.

Also, there is a fine line between assuming her wants and desires for the conversation are more important and making her do all the work of keeping the conversation going. For instance, if she asks you about yourself and you say "What would you like to know," you're making her do the work. Expand on the quick intro you've already given her. If something interests her, she'll follow up with more questions.

Finally, for the sake of all that's holy, use proper spelling, grammar, and punctuation. You want to show you are an intelligent person. There are many Dommes for whom inappropriate grammar and spelling are like nails down the chalkboard. It also highlights D/s conventions more... if you're always using lower case, will a deferential "i" stand out? More than once, I've asked a sub if his "y" and "o" keys were broken, because he kept referring to me as "u." More than one Domme has commiserated with me over the issue. Respect her. Act like you're educated. :)

Suppose you've let a few days go by and no response. You might send another message just saying you're checking in and you would still like to chat. You're available at the following times; would any of those work for her or would she prefer to propose a time? That shows respect and deference.

Doing these things help make your first impression more positive.

What (obviously brief) advice would you offer a new erotic hypnotist?

Read everything you can. Study everything you can. Practice as often as possible with plain old hypnosis as well as the more sensual stuff. Don't try to do therapy unless you're certified and have training. :)

Ask me anything

What's your most favorite induction method?

Long, storytelling inductions. I adore it when I have the time to really get going and play with the imagery.

Ask me anything

Just posted to my mailing lists...

This is what I wrote on realmofbliss - at - yahoogroups dot com and emcpodcast -at- yahoogroups -dot- com (man, I love confusing bots!):

It always amuses me how, when I actually post to the lists, I get a small flurry of unsubscribes. And perhaps you might need to be on one list instead of the other, or on both.

The EMCpodcast list is a commercial-free zone (with the exception of FetishFriendlyPCSupport.com, because I think their service is of value to the sex-positive community and I don't get any favors for mentioning them). I may announce where I'll be speaking realtime about hypnosis, but it's the place I designated to talk about hypnosis in general. If people don't post to the list, they probably won't get a lot out of it.

The Realm of Bliss list is for what I'm doing, my services, and general chatter related to me specifically instead of trance in general. We may talk about trance in general there too, of course. I reserve the right to give notices about my products, services, and other stuff on there. :) In this case, too, how much you post will influence what you get out of it.

I admit to being bad with mailing lists. I'm enjoying twitter, because I like to chat, and if you're not following me there you might want to (I'm Ruetha over there). But I'm making a commitment to reviving these mailing lists this year. I'm also committing eight hours a week to the podcast - recording, editing, and posting. There WILL be more podcasts. Depend on it!

I hope you'll join me and post!

To this I'd like to add: Please comment on this blog and on Jukebox's! The more you comment, the more inspired I am to write and record! :)

Let's Go To Bed: A True Story

Last night I went to bed a bit after Jukebox. He's never been one to have trouble going to sleep, so he was already cozily snuggled up in the blankets. (He's native Minnesotan. I think that's why when I get to bed he always resembles a contented burrito. Disentangling the covers is something I need to do every night, and it never fails to make me giggle.)

As I finally got the blankets to the point I could get under them, he roused enough to purr and snuggle his back up against me. I whispered in his ear, using one of my favorite keyed-to-me triggers for him. "You are deep asleep. This is all a dream." He echoed my words, drowsy and obedient. I knew I had him. Sleep had shifted to trance. Time to play.

I wrapped my arms around him and began to play with his nipples softly. "Strong and submissive. All your strength is turned to serve me." I began to program him, brainwashing him with my words and the heat of the pleasure. "You are a strong man, and I own you. All your strength is turned to serve me. Your deep self serves me blankly and without thinking. It feels so good to serve me."

His toneless repetition of my words began to mix with gasps as his hips rocked. My nipples rubbed against his back, sending warm pulses of heat through me. Far hotter to me, though, was the blankness in his voice. Over and over, I brainwashed him, programmed him, reinforced my control. Some of the commands I gave him are ones I give only to my Chosen. Some were for him alone. When I finally allowed him to come, he whispered over and over "Goddess... Goddess... Goddess..." as he must.

When he was done, he slumped back against me, boneless and limp, the trance deepening even further. I checked in with him: "Tell me something you need me to know."

He responded "I am so blank. I am still coming." The shakiness of his voice and the whimper told me that yes, my beloved Chosen's orgasm hadn't finished, no matter what his body said.

I took his hand and placed it on my breast. As he has been trained, he began to caress. The rest of his body remained immobile. "What's happening to you, pet?" I whispered.

The shakiness was gone. "I am blank and deep and i am going deeper i am hypnotized and made blank by your beautiful breasts there is only going deeper..." Monotone, hypnotized, each word simply coming from his lips without thought.

I allowed him to continue to caress my breast as I brought myself to orgasm, listening to him speak, programming him deeper. As he must, when I came he came. Every time. Until our bodies were both relaxed, melded together, in love, perfect.

We fell asleep that way, his mind as asleep as it was when I got into bed, the covers now wound around both of us. As it should be.

Recording tomorrow!

Yay, I get to finish the robotization series! I'm also doing a high-quality free recording which will be out Valentine's Day weekend.

I've updated the travel schedule on my website with the latest information and travel dates for me. I cannot wait to go to FFF!

And after that is NEEHU... Ah, it's going to be a good spring!

Off to script now.

How To Attract A HypnoDomme: Part Three: Starting Your Search

So now you have your quick introduction written. You've done some self-examination. It's time to go out and look for the Lady of your dreams!

There are numerous sites out there where you can find other like-minded people. If you don't already have an account at your chosen search sites, create one. Fill out your profile with the information you decided on earlier. I repeat: fill out your profile. Make sure you put more in there than your kinky interests. A real person is more attractive than someone who only wants sex. (Although if that is what you want, go on and put that in too. Honesty is frequently appealing.)

Another hint here: If you're not interested in professionals at all, put that in there... but you don't have to put in a dissertation about how D/s should always be free and pro Dommes are whores. Many lifestyle-only Dommes have professional friends and may be offended.

If you are comfortable with it, have a picture with your profile. Some sites allow art for pictures, others insist it be you. I prefer those that allow art because I understand that sometimes it's not safe to have a picture of yourself. If you do put up a picture of yourself, for the sake of all that's holy, don't make it a penis shot. You can always give one of those if asked.

Regardless of where you go looking - and if you're here, I assume you know some of the usual haunts - there's one thing that's absolutely, positively critical once you've filled out your own profile and started looking. It seems intuitive, but you'd be surprised how few people do it.

Read the Domme's profile and website.

You've gone through all that work to decide what you want. Yet many s-types message the first Domme that matches the search, instead of reading what she has to say about herself! Please, please avoid this mistake. It can save you a lot of heartache later. The time you invest at this stage can also save you both wasted time, if you find out right off the bat simply by reading that you would not match this Domme.

With tabbed browsers the norm these days, all you need to do is open her webpage(s) in another tab. You don't even need to lose your search in the process.

After you find one, or two, or more Dommes who look like you might match their needs and wants, it's time for the next step: That Critical First Impression.

In the last two months...

I've been to North Carolina twice, presented at the first LeatherFET, waited for the birth of a family member, hypnotized my Chosen and pets, almost had someone walk in on me during sex, lost my voice, and worked on planning NEEHU2. I am so very relieved that the holidays are over!

I loved the presents I got from my Amazon wishlist for the holidays too. I am thrilled to have finally gotten the portable hard drive, some tights, a teddy, and a lovely velvet top/dress!

I am also getting ready to set up a home recording studio. WinterRose and RattieMattie showed me theirs, and it's quite a nice setup! It'll make it much easier for me to work from home. Podcasts and free recordings will become much more plentiful!

I am so happy to be past the holidays and back to regular work! The next meeting of the FOCUS group in Minneapolis will be Thursday the 20th of January. RSVP to me at ladyr - at - blisstrance - dot - com or on Fetlife in order to get directions!