How To Attract A HypnoDomme: Part Two: Before You Go Looking

So after being absolutely levelled by the flu last week, I'm getting back to writing. Here's the next installment in the series.

I was going to make this "That Vital First Impression," but as the week went by I realized that's not the first step. The first step is not about meeting, but about the groundwork that needs to be done before you even go out and look. And the first step in that for a submissive is beginning to understand your own needs and wants.

Many submissives forget that their own needs and wants have value. After all, as I tell people, "It's all about me," meaning me-as-Domme. And it is. On the other hand, if I'm not going to meet the submissive's needs, then the relationship is going to go nowhere very quickly. That sucks for all concerned. It's a lot more fun to deal with a submissive who knows what zie wants than to deal with one who has no idea.

That doesn't mean you have to know all of what you want, or reveal it right away. Sometimes it can be fun to be in deep hypnosis and hear yourself confessing your deepest wants to the warm voice that soothes your mind. But if you want that scenario, you already have one thing to say: "I like to feel like my needs are being pulled out of me and I can't stop it." Boom, you have a desire you can express!

Before you start a search for a Domme, sit down and think about your wants and needs. It helps if you write them down. Be honest with yourself, and sometimes it helps if you put things on a scale of one to ten in order of how important they are to you.

Are looks important to you? For some people, they're critical. If that's the case, be up front with yourself. You don't want to meet a Domme and discover she does nothing for you sexually, after all. Do you want a certain type of appearance? Build? Clothing? If so, are those things in and of themselves fetishes for you?

How about voice? Ability to meet up with your Domme in person? Knowing you will never be required to meet in person? (That might be important for married folk who wish to be secret about the affair.) Do you want your Domme to have other skills than hypnosis (bondage, sensory play, et cetera)? Do you expect to be monogamous, or are other partners OK? How about playing with others for Her pleasure? Make sure you know your boundaries!

Are you willing to pay for what you want, or do you want a lifestyle-only relationship? How much time do you want to spend submitting? (It's absolutely OK to want a non-24/7 relationship. Those are not the be-all and end-all of submission.)

This is only a partial list of things you may want to consider. Decide how important each is for you (for example, looks are not important, but you aren't going to pay for anything and you want to have a part-time D/s relationship while you look for other life partners). Remember that these wants and desires are fluid! You will find them changing throughout your time submitting. (When I first met Jukebox, for instance, public shirt-off was a limit. He's now very happy fully nude when permitted at cons!)

Next, come up with an introduction. This should be a few lines about yourself that you can readily give when you contact a Domme. We'll talk a bit more about this in the next installment, but think carefully about what you want to say. It should include important things for her to know right off about you. An example might be: "Hello... my name is [name], I'm a [age] [gender] who is looking for a hypnotic Domme while I explore submission. I'm [marital status], looking for a [full/part/very casual]-time relationship and I am/not willing to pay for time. Some of my interests are [insert here], some of my non-sexual hobbies are [insert here]. Would you be interested in talking further?"

Knowing yourself and your wants and needs can save you and your Dominant partner a lot of time, headaches, and maybe even heartache. Do this step. You'll be glad you did.

A Matter Of Life And Death: Transgender Day of Remembrance

Today is Transgender Day of Remembrance. The post I promised before I got levelled by a bug is coming. Today, I'm going to talk matters of life and death.

I am a cissexual woman. That is the term for someone born XX who feels like that is, in fact, the correct gender assignment for her. Because of that, I am almost certainly not the person you should be listening to today. But I'll crave your indulgence for just a few moments before pointing you to those whose stories and feelings need and deserve to be heard.

The first person I ever talked to online live (as opposed to email or newsgroups) is a trans woman. Since that time, I have been blessed (and oh, I do mean blessed) by the friendships of several women who have undertaken the agonizing journey of leaving behind the gender they were assigned at birth and becoming their truest selves.

I am also blessed with the security of knowing that all of these women are still alive, able to be the caring, giving, strong women they are. Tragically, the facts are that trans people are at risk each and every day. Even basics most of us take for granted such as using the washroom are risky activities. Medical care is almost guaranteed to involve some level of humiliation. They are told they do not exist, that they are sick, that their pain is not real, that everything is "all in their heads."

Nearly half of all trans people have attempted suicide. Those numbers cannot be allowed to continue.

Even worse, even those who have found peace with themselves are at increased risk of violence. That is the point of Transgender Day of Remembrance. Every 20th of November, trans people and their allies stop to remember those who have been lost to violence since the previous November 20th.

Not everyone memorialized this day is a trans person. Some were killed simply because they were perceived to be acting in a manner at variance to their gender. One was a 16-month-old boy who was murdered because he was perceived to be acting like a girl. Stop and ponder that for a moment. The prejudice against trans people is so strong someone felt justified in beating a toddler to death because of it.

This cannot go on.

This evening, I will be going to the Twin Cities Transgender Day of Remembrance vigil in the Twin Cities. You can find your own event here. Then act to stop the violence, especially against Transgender people of color. Reach out. Your life will be the richer for it. You might save someone else's.

Unsure where to start? Too broke to give to trans-supportive charities? Try dropping the word "tranny" from your vocabulary as a first action. Many trans people find it offensive. At best, it's one of those words that a minority gets to use among themselves, but sound wrong and disrespectful coming from those outside the minority group. (Think "the n-word.")

Also, if you're a ciswoman and you see a "cross-dressed guy in the washroom," for goodness' sake don't freak out. Washrooms are among the most dangerous places for trans women. A simple nod and smile, as you'd do for any other woman, is appropriate. Chances are instead of a threatening move toward you, you'll see an expression of profound relief!

I do not want any of my friends to become a statistic. We have it in our power to make a difference.

***A special thanks to @widdershins_cat for her assistance with feedback on this post and links! Love you!!***

How To Attract A HypnoDomme: Part One - Why This Series?

I saw a post on a hypnosis website and it made me pause. It was similar to one I've seen a hundred times before, probably more than that, which is why I don't name the site or the poster. It was similar to any number of instant messages and private mails I've received on various sites. It made me sigh, because I worry that its writer will never find what zie seeks in the world of erotic hypnosis. I've seen it in regular D/s groups too, but since I do EH I'm going to confine myself to commenting on this aspect alone.

The post was by a male, and it said simply "Seeking Female hypnotist to program me to be a slave."

A Domme had responded in a way I myself have so many times. She was polite and concise. She simply asked "What do you have to offer a Domme?"

This is a legitimate question. Whether it's fair or not, the fact is that there are more cis het males seeking hypnosis on either side of the watch than cis het (and MANY more than cis bi!) women to partner them. If you completely exclude trans women as viable partners, as many of these men do, the pool gets smaller still. If I had one hundred hours in the day, I still couldn't hypnotize everyone I wish I could. I can deplore the reality of it all day long, but it is how it is. (I do my best to change it by being open to females who are interested and encouraging them, but at the end of the day the imbalance remains.)

The original poster responded to the Domme with the following sentence, verbatim: "ill surrender completely and be ur slave"

That's it. Nothing else. And it made me depressed for him, because I don't think he gets it.

Although I am a pro, I am going to take money and professional Dommes out of the equation in this series of posts. I can still easily speak to the lifestyle aspect of things, as my Chosen and pets know. But of the lifestyle-only Dommes I know, none of them would be really interested in this guy. I'm sure he has no idea what he's doing wrong. I also bet that he COULD be trained, with time, to at least be a passable sub.

I've said repeatedly that one of my goals in the fetish is to help people find partners when possible. I stick by that. To that end, I'm going to post a series of blog entries on my opinion of how to attract a hypnoDomme.

It should be emphasized that these posts are my opinion, and I welcome polite comments, additions, and dissent! Some things which I view as critical are far less important to others. Nevertheless, there are certain patterns which do tend to obstruct people in finding partners. I want to address these.

It should also be said that while some of these tips and recommendations will apply also to finding male Doms, others will not.

I write from the cis woman perspective. I especially welcome feedback by trans women.

We'll start with tomorrow's post: The First Impression.

Back Home Safely...

...and taking calls again! Look for me on the next few days and nights. I can't wait to get back to hypnotizing people!

This week I'll also be recording the NEEHU podcast, updating the list of hypnosis events, clearing out spam comments from the podcast page, and updating the website. And, with any luck, I'll have news on new recordings... just in time for USian Thanksgiving! :)

And I'm going to be doing my first professional photo shoot soon, so there will be more pics up...

Oh, What a Great Day!

Happiness is two people (or more) finding each other and making a life. I was so honored to be at the wedding today. The weather was lovely, the bride's dress lovelier, the bride lovelier still, the ceremony was beautiful, both bride and groom got sniffly saying their vows, the food was delicious, the cake tasty, and the dancing awesome.

Really, what more can you ask for?

Short update...

I warned you these might be short this weekend.

First, Happy Birthday to my kittyhypnoslut! I love you, kitten. See you in less than a month!

Second, Smithsonian Air and Space museum is awesome. Really.

Third, Dani is going to be gorgeous tomorrow!

And I'm getting some beauty sleep!

Travel Today Went Smoothly...

...and here I am, snug in my hotel room, with an attentive and loving Jukebox at my side.

Oh, and a reminder that "Sex Robot" is on again tonight on Discovery Health! :)

Yes, I know, short post. I'll try to write more later.

Podcast 5.2 is up, plus Forum Story Contest!

In the morning I am off to the wedding I mentioned earlier this week. Before I go, though, I did get a podcast up! It's about the floatation tank that Seran and I were in this summer, and our reactions. I had such a good time doing it that I wanted to spread it around more. I do plan to go back in the spring and have more floatation experiences.

Also, since the wedding is on my mind, have you seen this? Yes, Wiseguy has created a story contest as a gift for his blushing bride-to-be. If you're a romantic, you want to get in on this one! Think of it as a way to give back for all of the joy he's given the community through his time as a writer. I know everyone has one romantic MC story lurking somewhere down (in some cases far, far down) in the unconscious mind. Give this one a go!

Finally, the Focus Group is meeting on Monday, November 7 at 6pm at Davanni's Riverside. Come out and join us! :)

No Matter What I Wear

You've seen me dressed up in the other pictures I have posted to this blog. And I do like dressing up. As I said, I love my flowing dresses. I love my jewelry. I love to get into Dommespace by dressing the part as I feel comfortable doing so.

But no matter what I wear, how much or how little, I am a Domme.

I can be wearing a tie-dyed or black t-shirt and sweats. I can be naked to the waist. I can be wearing just nail polish and a smile.

The picture above is a still frame of a video, where I'm hypnotizing Follow The Watch... my Seran. It was a wonderful session... actually our first in-person session. And yes, I'm wearing a t-shirt and shorts. And yes, he was deeply in my power.

The delight of hypnotizing someone and turning that person into my good boy or good girl never fails to please me. I adore the way people melt at my feet. Although you can't see him in these shots, he was on his knees, blank-eyed, monotone-voiced, murmuring "Yes, my Lady" to my every suggestion.

He knew who was in charge at that time.

And no matter what I wear, that's all that matters.

Back to podcasting

Once upon a time, I had a friend who said "You love to talk about hypnosis. You should start doing a podcast."

That's how it all got started, really. Just a simple suggestion, the purchase of the rights to use dome royalty-free music, and how much I love to geek.

At first, it was easy to find the time to record. I had a lot of topics I wanted to cover. Then it got harder to find quiet time. At the same juncture, I went to events where I had no idea how to sum them up. I would try over and over and just stutter.

Still, when I moved to the Twim Cities, I promised myself that I would take the time and spend the energy to begin podcasting again. Finally, this last week, I sat down with Audacity and the microphone and went to it. To my delight, I barely skipped a beat.

To say this gave me joy doesn't begin to cover it. Yes, I'm back. And I love it. And I'm going to keep going with it, because I missed it.

You can find a link to the podcast over to the side. Give the episodes a listen. They really are a product of my love for trance.

Happy Samhain! Plus NaBloPoMo

NaBloPoMo is a thing rather like NaNoWriMo, and I'm doing it this month. Unlike NaNoWriMo, which is one month of the year and has no content restrictions, NaBloPoMo does not admit adult sites or commercial sites.

Tough. I'm doing it anyway. :) I'm just not going to link up to the main site. I could use the traffic, but screw 'em. :) I have a feeling that people will either read or not. I am not sure if I'm going to attempt NaNoWriMo or just knit like a banshee to finish my holiday gifts for my family, though!

On to more important things!

This weekend, I have the immense joy of traveling with Jukebox to the east coast to attend the wedding of Wiseguy and DaniFantom. Theirs is a genuine, dynamic erotic hypnosis love story. I will be unavailable for calls Friday until Monday afternoon as a result.

Wiseguy has been a true friend for a decade. (Gods, has it been THAT LONG??) His stories are incredible - his "Busman's Holiday" is often cited as a primer for budding erotic hypnotists. I am so very honored and delighted to be invited to celebrate with him and with Dani. Yes, I will be posting from the road... even if the post is as short as "I always cry at weddings" or some such. ;)

I'm taking calls today and tonight, by the way... look for me!

New Podcast is Up! Sex Robot!

In which I talk about the making of Sex Robot and talk about community events a bit. :)

I have another podcast about 3/4 edited!

Still trying to get the video of just my part of the documentary edited. Stay tuned!

The Holidays are Coming!

I went ahead and updated my wishlist for the holidays. Since I've come out as a BBW for reals, now I can put clothes I want on there! And hosiery! (Now I want to do a pantyhose trance really really really a lot. ;) ) So if you want hot pics of me in hose, or babydolls, or whatever... those are on there now!

There's something in just about every price range. So if you want to pamper me... you know where to look!

Posted by Permission: Isis the Enchantress's "To Losers"

I usually don't crosspost, but I thought this needed to be seen by some who perhaps might otherwise miss it. It's by Isis the Enchantress, and it's located over here. I'm reproducing it in full, with her permission, so that others could read and comment.

Today I saw the umpteenth "mean queen" talking about the ****ing losers that serve her. If you think you're a loser, then maybe she was talking to you.

She was attractive, but she was needy, greedy, bitchy. Ok, I know, that is probably turning you on, and you are wondering who the person is.

Logically one may wonder why you let women like this have your time, your attention, your hard earned money and "respect."

Even if you consider yourself a loser, why wouldn't you want someone to appreciate the things you do for them, instead of expect them, and then proceed to forget it because the next "sucker" has arrived. Why would you only want to be remembered when the person who demands from you seeks to more money and more attention?

Consider what it would be like to have attention that is kind and appreciative. I know it's likely unusual for you, and I know of many who like the idea, but just don't know how it could ever feel as good as being treated like s***.

You know why it feels so good for you?

It's likely somewhere along the lines your mind made an unconscious connection between things that don't necessarily belong together.

It could be a pretty girl who taunted you, and when she did it humiliated you, and because she was so pretty you were turned on at the time so you tied arousal to humiliation by a pretty girl.

You then probably tried to find opportunities to have pretty girls do it to you again. Each time it happened, it reinforced your "need" to be treated in the way that the original girl treated you. Along the way, you may have found new girls added to the mix, so your mind may have latched onto to those things as well.

Maybe you even got into a relationship with a pretty girl who treated you that way, and demanded you spend money on her.

Each thing finds its way into our mind through layers of connections, and they become what we think are "needs." You may have even found yourself paying for the opportunity to be humiliated if no real life opportunities were available.

I don't know too many people who wouldn't prefer to be treated kindly and with respect, however I know way too many who don't know how to find their way out of what they know to cause pleasure.

You don't have to allow people to treat you this way, AND you can find greater pleasure in being treated well and in being appreciated.

Hypnosis is good at so many things, including creating and resolving perceived problems. There is an author who wrote how he believed that all hypnosis was a way to dehypnotize someone from previous hypnosis.

Never been formally hypnotized? It doesn't matter. Anyone who knows how to manipulate others is likely proficient in a form of hypnosis whether s/he realizes it, or not.

Some will tell you that to be the best man you can be it's best to see yourself as insignificant, small, unworthy and at the same time needing to prove yourself in some way worthy of time and attention.

Personally, I don't see how interacting with someone who thinks so little of himself serves me or anyone else. I would say it is in my best interest to have someone who wants to be attentive to me be the best of who he can be - for himself and those around him.

I see too much encouragement from women like the one above to have the men they interact with disregard and disrespect the women in their lives. I know some would say they could never understand it, or do it, but what these people don't realize is how the person affected could even been torn, and still do things potentially hurtful and/or harmful to a relationship.

What is going on is likely to be something that someone affected doesn't understand either, because it comes from the unconscious connections. I realize that some things are choices, and there are some I certainly wouldn't agree with, but when you are doing things compulsively and can't stop, then it might be something to reconsider - especially if there is a part of you that isn't OK or happy about what is going on.

Some people will say "It's just me. It's just how I am." Because your behavior is not who you are, that statement is inaccurate. However since it is a common belief and statement, it is often "accepted."

Most people are much more than they know themselves to be. Many have no idea who and what they are capable of because things get in the way. Something so core to who we are - such as sexuality - can create a big diversion and/or stumbling block.

The thing is, though, deep down we know better. Deep down we seek better. Deep down we know there has got to be a better way, and we choose to listen, or we don't.

When one listens, one also needs to recognize what they have done previously, and it isn't
always easy and can sometimes be painful and there can be guilt, remorse, anger and other things that continuing the behavior continues to cover up.

I can't say a change is going to happen easily or effortlessly, but what I can say is that you need to be kind to yourself in the process. Things happen all of the time, and that includes things we'd rather not experience, however if we come to those situations with the a mindset that allows us to learn and grow from the experience the best things can happen as a result, and they're not often things we'd anticipate.

If you consider yourself a loser, and that is how you want to continue to act, far be
it from me to convince you to do anything any differently.

However, if there is a part of you that thinks that you deserve better (which, personally, I say you do) then it might be worth seeing what can be done to give you the pleasure you desire without wreaking havoc on your life and the relationships that you hold most dear - including the one you have with yourself.

Arguments can be made for anything by anyone at any time. Be careful which ones you buy into. They're not all worthy of your efforts and attention, and likely very few are.

A last thought...

If you are belittled and worn down, what is left of you to give? In the end, I suspect that is at the core of what we as humans want to do...we want to give another a piece of ourselves so that we can feel like we belong and that we are wanted and needed by someone else and if we don't know that we can get attention in a positive, affirming way we'll get it in a destructive one. If you're off self destructing you're not going to see the things that are helpful and supportive and loving - but they are there.

Thank you, Isis, for our generous consent to repost this. I have a couple of additional thoughts.

First of all, I didn't understand humiliation at all until last year. At that point, someone who did enjoy it was able to explain it to me. (Thank you, sweetie, you know who you are!) And what I got out of it is: BDSM is a way to experience the human condition in ways we might not normally be able to do so, in a safe space. Humiliation is part of the human condition, and is therefore one of the things that some people choose to explore in that safe space. And I'm very OK with that, although it doesn't turn me on at all and isn't a part of my play.

The most important thing, though, is that my Chosen, my pets, my friends, and my clients are very much winners to me. They're out there having fun, enjoying their sexuality in ways that feel good to them. I am happy to be able to join them, and I am proud of my kink. I understand needing to be closeted, though I deplore the reasons, but that doesn't make anyone who needs to be a loser. Nor does paying for my services, for goodness' sake.

None of the people around me are ever going to be losers. No, my clients, friends and loved ones - WE win!

Quick "Sex Robot" update!

It's going to be on TV in the US again! Here's the link for the latest listings!

Again, I am VERY happy with how this came out. Please check it out! And a big thanks again to Bri_chan for grabbing the video when it was first on so I could see it while in Canada!

Marie Claire and @MauraKellyBlog Reaction, And A New Resolution

Tomorrow, I'll be reposting Lady Isis's wonderful blog entry "To Losers," with her permission. Today, however, before I could get that post up something happened. It's something that made me reverse a decision I made. Gentle Reader, today I Saw Red, and I'm going to do something about it.

In the past, I've told people I'm a BBW. Most people know this going in when they first meet me. The ones who care rapidly fall away. The ones who don't get to know me better... some very, very well. But when I made the decision to go pro Domme, I was worried that my looks would get in the way of my career. After all, the stereotype is of the slender, tall, on-high-heels Dominatrix built up in the media. I kept telling myself it was a career decision. After all, it's the romance of the thing, right? Surely that's what matters? And I was experiencing a lot of anxiety on that level with the Sex Robot video. I worried about that negatively impacting sales, instead of positively impacting them.

In retrospect, that's when things really started to go downhill with my health, and I think I know why. You see, I am a hypnotist, and what I tell my unconscious mind, it starts to live.

For years, I had been deeply in love with my body. It does such amazing things. Still, like many fat women in this society, I'd internalized the shame that comes along with it. As long as I was active, moving, happy, dancing, having great - no, fantastic - sex, doing yoga, my body loved me back. Knee injuries hampered some things, but overall everything was wonderful. Great cholesterol, blood pressure my skinny sisters would kill for, healthy skin and hair... I had it all. Until I told it that it wasn't good enough for my job.

Suddenly, things started to happen. My blood pressure went up by ten points. My desire for healthy foods tanked. My knees hurt more. You see, when I told my body "people won't like you," it listened. I was telling myself that the shame I'd fought against for years was valid.

I was starting to come to this conclusion already, over the time I'd spent away from home the last month. I think I looked fantastic in the Sex Robot video. I find fat chicks attractive, myself, and one of my first reactions was "Damn, I would totally fuck me!"

Then, today, came the final epiphany. Marie Claire Magazine posted a blog entry from someone talking about "Mike and Molly," the sitcom with two fat characters in love. To be honest, I'd never watched the show. I'm not much for sitcoms... give me Discovery Channel any day... so my reaction was fair-to-negative. "Oh, yay, more making fun of fat people. Just what I need in my life, fat jokes. I'll pass."


But oh, this review was nasty. Warning: fat-phobic trigger language in there, read at your own risk.

Even that half-assed apology doesn't cut it. You see, no one, but no one, gets to tell me that I don't deserve to have so much as physical affection because of a hundred pounds of adipose tissue. No one who finds it "aesthetically displeasing" to watch a fat person *cross the room* gets to tell me that I should exercise more. And yes, I think she is acting like an insensitive jerk.

I have a lot of compassion for the writer's eating disorder history. When I was a teenager, I roomed with a girl with anorexia. She was 5'6" and weighed sixty-five pounds when they finally got her into treatment. I saw the agony my roommate experienced. Given that, I can't and won't say or imply that this writer is a bad person. But I also refuse to give her the power to tell me how my body should look.

And the fact is that I am a fucking Goddess. In the old-school fashion, those ancient Venuses and Maltese temple deities. I love the way my hips sway when they walk. I love my curves and my skin and my hair. I love my sensuality, the way my hair tickles the small of my back, the way carpet feels under my bare feet. I love the soft flowing dresses I wear in Dommespace and the way they puddle to the floor at my ankles as I shed them. I love the way finger and toenail polish flashes as I move.



I love my ass. (Jukebox loves to go up the stairs behind me, especially when I'm naked.) I love Public Displays of Affection, everything from holding hands to deepkisses to stolen gropes. I love my tattoos.



I have not been single since I was seventeen. I have not had fewer than two romantic partners since 1993, except for a brief span in 2003-2004, and even then I had other sexual partners. Fuck yes, I'm sexy. Fuck yes, this fat body can do amazing things!

I love my body's power. I love the focus and care I have for my trance partners, and how deep they go as I ensnare their minds. Make no mistake: I am a hypnoDomme, and I love to wield that mystique and that power and that sexuality. I love making my partners change, gasp, moan, come so hard they can't even speak for an hour. I love gently and thoroughly brainwashing people. I love my voice. I love running my hands over my partners' bodies and feeling them shudder with heat. I love the way my huge, non-perky breasts ache and my thighs get slick when I'm hypnotically Dominating someone.



And, oh yeah, I'm fat. And I'm sexual. And I'm sexy as hell. And I love being both. And from now on, there will be pictures on my site... because I love my body, and it's not getting shortchanged any more.
.
(And, oh yeah, that blood pressure? Back down to 110/70, thank yew very much. And the veggies at dinner tasted delicious.)

Because this needed to be preserved...

I just tweeted:

Happiness is hearing the soft noises your pet in the next room makes asleep. <3 @copperheron recently, @jukeboxemcsa tonight, others too! <3

I mean every word of it, too.

Taking calls right now!

And the CDs are on sale now! Merchant's Daughter (for men and women), Mountain Lake (for men and women), and Museum Heat (for men and women) are all $5 off now! Enjoy the fantasy before the holidays.

Urgh, travel crud

Perhaps it's unsurprising that after traveling so much in the last week and a half, I came up with GI issues. I'm feeling much better today than yesterday, though, so I'm planning on taking calls tonight!

I'm also having a Hallowe'en sale: Merchant's Daughter, Mountain Lake, and Museum Heat will be all be on sale for $5 off starting tonight at 9pm eastern us time! If you've been thinking about any of those, now's a great time to explore the fantasies.

Another, longer post later!

(Not sure where to find the mp3s? Look to your right on this screen!)

Sunday night's NYC class recap

Video editing is a work in progress, so I'm taking a break to write up Sunday night's Roleplay and Hypnosis class in New York City.

Of all of the classes I've taught lately, this one seemed to have the best reception. For one thing, I didn't need to do hypno 101. I love doing that, but it was so refreshing to get to the fun stuff instead of explaining what hypnosis is and how to do a basic induction. Instead, I could talk about specific safety concerns, safewords, and how to set up the scenes. It was fantastic, and there were really good questions asked. Some of this I went through on the podcast a few years back, but it's worth revisiting.

But one thing I didn't do on the podcast that I could do in the class was demo concrete examples of scenes. I was lucky enough to have two demo bottoms, one of whom is a regular of mine and the other of whom I'd never hypnotized before. The former I simply demoed scene setup, not playing out the scene at all. The latter we went a little distance into the scene, to the deep appreciation of the watching audience. Because I'd never worked with her before, I also installed safewords and some other basic safety guidelines. (Since I was staying with her and her significant other, I had the fun later that night of hearing the suggestions for the "yes, more please!" safeword take effect posthypnotically... through the wall. I went to sleep rather joyfully, if not without a giggle. ;) )

Afterwards, a bunch of us went to McDonalds (it being the closest place to hang out and just talk for a while) and talked trance. So much fun! I felt really fantastic.

I had the honor of meeting some fantastic new friends, connecting happily with longerterm ones, and got to talk about my favorite thing to do with hypnosis. What wasn't to love? I can't wait to get back to The City and play some more.

"Sex Robot": Me on TV!

Yes, I was on Discovery Health for the documentary "Sex Robot." I am in the process of editing the video to snip out the parts I filmed so I can post them on my website. I'm learning to use a video editor in order to do it, so the process is slow. I want to be sure to get it right.

(Incidentally, and worth its own paragraph by far: A HUGE thanks to Bri_chan for helping obtain the video! I owe you, sweetie... expect me to pay up. ;) )

This was a terrifying and exhilarating experience. On the one hand, I really wanted to get something on hypnosis for technophiliacs out there. On the other hand... being on TV. Especially on a documentary which, let's face it, was more likely to be a "wow, freaky people!" video than a "isn't this neat?!" show.

I was aware that it could provide great exposure. I am also aware that being a BBW is fine for some people, as long as they aren't confronted with the reality of me actually being big and soft. Nevertheless, I decided that it would be worth it to go on and get on film.

I look slightly different in this video than I might normally at, say, a con. Normally, I wear purple. For this filming, I elected to wear red. It pops more on camera. Don't worry, though... I'm going to keep going with the purple. In fact, within a couple of weeks I am going to dye at least some of my hair purple! I also wore makeup, because I knew better than to go on camera without it. Ah, stagecraft!

I was, of course, a bit nervous about seeing the video. Copper and I watched it together after a few other people had seen it and reassured me that they enjoyed it. To my almost total surprise and joy, I found that nothing I said had been taken out of context. The editor did a great job of getting out one of the most important points I felt I wanted to get across. Furthermore, they showed a lot more of the induction than I thought they would. Even better, the couple in the video very much came across as the loving, committed partners they are.

We were not, of course, the full focus of the program. We knew that. I was completely unsure how much we would be in the film at all. To be in as much as we were, in the way we were, makes me very happy. It's something I'm proud to be putting up on my website.

Where I've been and what I'm doing

As you probably know, I took the last few weeks and went up to see my beloved pet Copper up north of the Arctic Circle. While I was up there, I took a lot of time to think. Some of those thoughts I kept to myself, pondering them over the course of the trip. Others I shared with my Chosen.

Right now as I write this I'm on the subway in New York City. I'm here for a training, getting class hours I need to maintain my certification. (And gods help me, but as I look out the window and see the bridge and the Woolworth building, I *cannot* avoid thinking of Cloverfield. My NYC friends are going to kill me!)

It's been a very harsh few months for me. More than once I've questioned my decision to go full-time. Jukebox losing his job put financial pressure on us that has made it impossible for me to maintain my planned CD schedule. The pressure has also sapped my creative energy.

The last few weeks, however, have brought clarity. Being in a place where the electricity was shaky and I could not take calls made me aware of how much I love doing so. I realized that tranceplay and education is, indeed, what I want to do.

The boundless support of my Chosen and pets has made it possible for me to get through things. I want to publically thank them all, from the bottom of my heart.

I have ideas again. I have plans. And I am so very much looking forward to bringing them to fruition.

The next stop is my stop. Time for me to get off. ;)

HELP WANTED! :)

Got your attention? Good!

I am in need of someone who a) has a cable/satellite package that includes Discovery Health and b) has the capability to record to computer. You see, the documentary I filmed back in May is premiering on 24-SEP on Discovery Health, but I will be in Canada! I haven't seen it yet, although I really hoped for a copy first, so I need to know what they will be showing. There were hours of footage taped. Probably if I'm lucky I'll get five minutes, but I still want it!

More on the premiere as soon as I have someone willing to record it and put it in a Dropbox or something similar for me!

A Couple Of Happy Things

One, I'm feeling better today than I have all week. I don't know what bug got me, but I am so very glad to see the back of it.

Two, it's official: I'm going to be in Canada in a couple of weeks, for a couple of weeks! I am very happy about this.

It's caused a change to my appointments calendar, though. Have a look. My phone hours are going to be very different for a bit while I'm up there. I won't say those will be the only hours I'll be on the phone... far from it!... but I will be on for sure during that time. I know they're weird. It's due to scheduling around when Copper can give me the attention I deserve!

The New York trip is definitely on. I'm already realizing that I'll have to go back and just see people, because since I'm attending a training (have to get those CEUs to keep my certification, you know!) a lot of my time is going to be taken up in a classroom. But oh, I do so want to see the awesome NYC crowd. And others in the area: there's always a chance we can get together!

IT'S BAAAACK!!! NEEH(U)2 Returns!

Mark your calendars! Here are the details:

WHEN: Friday, 29-APR-2011 through 1-MAY-2011
WHERE: The Society, Hartford, Connecticut.
HOW MUCH: Early registration: $50 (NELA/Society members), $60 (non-members). Late registration (after 3/1/11): $60 (NELA/Society members), $70 (non-members)
WHAT DOES THAT GET YOU:
TEACHING/LEARNING

The focus of our event during the day is the sharing of knowledge and cool ideas. This year, we will have several pre-arranged programming tracks for all levels in the large rooms of The Society. In addition to the program, we will have dedicated space for impromptu "Unconference style" classes if there is something that just happens to come up. There also will be lots of comfy couches and a dedicated trance lounge.

FUN/PLAY
In addition to the all day trance lounge that will be available for the whole convention, we will also be having a meet'n'greet/stage show with other surprises on Friday night, a fantastic play party on Saturday night, and a delicious brunch on Sunday morning/afternoon.

FOOD
In the tradition of NEEHU, we want you to be well fed and happy at a fraction of the cost of eating at a restaurant. To this end, we will be providing appetizers and non alcoholic beverages on Friday night, breakfast, lunch, and party snacks on Saturday, and the delicious brunch on Sunday.

EVENT RULES
*21+
*No alcohol/drugs/smoking
*No vaginal/anal/oral sex
*No photography

DO YOU HAVE A SCHEDULE?
(tentative)
All events take place at The Society in Hartford, CT. There will be an official scheduling grid up on the NEHG website.

FRIDAY
6-8 PM Meet'n'greet with passed appetizers
8-10 PM Stage show and hypnosis slam

SATURDAY
9AM Welcome ceremony (mephki)
10AM-7PM Conference (schedule TBA)
9PM-2AM Play party

SUNDAY
11AM-5PM Aftercare: brunch, informal teaching, social time, etc.

I'D LIKE TO BUT I'M TOO BROKE:

HOTEL
We will have a group rate at a local (cheap) hotel. There will be room share posts up on the NEEHU group.

VOLUNTEERS
We need volunteers! Our convention has a lot of food, and we need help preparing and serving and cleaning. There will also be various and sundry other things that need doing. We will have a few positions available for hardship volunteers (IE you get in for free). There will be a tasty dinner on Saturday night for staff and volunteers who have worked more than 4 hours.

Contact Mephki on Fetlife or at mephki -at-nehg -dot- info for info on volunteering.

As you can see, this is going to be a lot of fun. More than six months out, we already have a lot going. Yes, I will be there. So should you!

Ahhh... it was a good birthday!

I was greeted with the following IM yesterday when I logged in:

"Happy Ru'mas!"

I gotta say, that made me laugh and made my day at once!

I spent the day with Jukebox going around to various local metaphysical bookstores. I may have found space for my non-ink practice, and that's always a good thing! I want to thank everyone who sent me gifts. They made me so very happy.

Also, HypnoMedia has launched his blog! This is another thing that makes me happy. When you're done here, go there and bookmark. You'll be glad you did.

And in the neatest birthday present of all, I get to widen my horizons with Yet More Travel! I am going up to the Arctic Circle, the furthest west I have ever been, and also going back to some familiar places.

Here's what my travel schedule mostly looks like for the remainder of the calendar year:

• 21-SEP: Leave for Inuvik, Northwest Territories, Canada. During this time, I will still be available for phone appointments. My hours may well change, though, so keep an eye on the appointment calendar! Also, I plan to get some good podcast recording time in, since I'll be in a pretty quiet place.
• 15-17-OCT: New York City for a non-kink hypnosis training! Yep, CHt's have to get training hours to maintain our certifications, but this seminar just plain looks cool: Virtual Gastric Band hypnosis. As a BBW, I wouldn't mind having some of it rub off on me either. (There's another post lurking in that comment somewhere, about D/s and size acceptance and hypnosis. Watch for that.) I would LOVE to get together with the NYC crowd while I'm there! You know who you are!
• 5-7-NOV: Wiseguy and Dani Fantom's wedding. I do not have enough smilies for this!
  
• 2-6-DEC: Charlotte/Raleigh NC for LeatherFet. More details on this as I know them.
  
• Sometime During The Holidays: Raleigh, NC. Available for personal get-togethers, hypnosis by appointment only.

Also, a note that I will be available for phone calls on Labor Day during the afternoon and evening! Bored on the holiday? Relax with me!

Updates and suchlike

Thank you all so much for your support about my nephew. The latest news is that the reaction is treatable. However, it will take around two years to reverse all the damage. He is currently on a new antiParkinsons medication, hoping this will make the motions slow down or stop. At this point, that has not happened. But we keep on hoping. They're calling in experts in the field for consultation, so who knows what might be possible. I'm concerned, but things are not hopeless.

I also wanted to thank the people who have sent me birthday presents. Since I don't get to go to Dragon*Con for my birthday as usual, this means a lot. Thank you so much!

Copper leaves for his residence in the Arctic tomorrow after being here for nearly a week. It is looking like I'm going to be spending a portion of late September/early October up there, before flying to New York City for a training. I will post details on that trip as I have them, but it will be the weekend of 15-OCT that I'm in the City. No word yet on where within that massive metropolis...

I'll be in Charlotte in December for LeatherFet, a kink event in that city. I'm also going to FFF in Boston in February, and as soon as I get the information for NEEHU2 I'll be posting that far and wide.

In the meantime, keep watching this space for upcoming sales and so forth!

The Myth That I Am Straight

Sitting around, waiting for calls, and a couple of things came wandering through my brain.

The first is to thank people for the birthday gifts! I've gotten a couple, and they made me feel all happywarmfuzzy. You know who you are. Thank you!

The second was inspired by reading this bit of lunacy. It made me actually laugh out loud. For extra humor points, imagine George Takei reading it to you, especially numbers 5 and 6. Poor men, I really feel for you if all you can do is grunt out "Me like fuhbawl! Ugh!" and wear wifebeaters and sweatpants around your backyard to "prove you're not gay," AS IF there was anything wrong with being gay and as if there was a need for anyone to prove anything to anyone else about their sexual orientation. (A stance I most emphatically do not take, by the way.) There are so many things wrong with the article linked that I don't want to spend my time deconstructing most of them, because if they're not obvious on the face of them you probably need to talk to someone far more patient than I am.

But the more interesting thing that came out of it was wondering idly what it would take for a woman to show she's not a lesbian. And then, as something like that usually does, it wandered around to how the hell do I let people know I actually am open to same-sex relationships, because it seems a lot of people still don't know.

It's kind of funny, if you think about it. I still meet people who are stunned to find out that not only am I bisexual, but I'm straight down the middle bi. On some levels, I can understand the confusion. Most of my relationships have been with men. All of my current relationships are with men. And yet, the fact is that my earliest relationships were with women, I find women incredibly hot, and I'm attracted to them.

I don't simply do the "For Women" tracks just to have them out there. (Yes, they're lower-selling than the "For Men" tracks, but that's not entirely surprising. It's a market share thing, mostly.) I do them because they turn me on. I do them because I love to imagine someday some unicorn lesbian or bichick might find them and experience that uncontrollable urge to kneel at my feet and join my poly family.

And that's possibly happening now... I have two wonderful subbiegirls on Quest. And I'll be taking them to cons and trancing them into wonderful helpless bliss.

And I bet even with them sitting at my feet, I'll still have someone blink at me and say "Oh... I didn't realize you were bi."

A sad moment of real life

I don't talk about family much here; I think a lot of people have the cherished illusion that professional Dommes are completely attachment-free except for their adoring submissives/slaves/pets and it drives them crazy to hear otherwise. The fact is that I have a warm relationship with my extended family, the majority of the adult members of which know (although with varying degrees of approval) what I am and what I do.

Two weeks ago my nephew, who happens to be autistic and have other sensory disorders, was placed on a new kind of medication - Abilify. Within a week he was having uncontrollable muscle spasms and could no longer feed himself, use stairs, or buckle his own seatbelt. He no longer wanted to eat or sleep. His parents took him to the emergency room Saturday on the advice of a neurologist - not the one who prescribed the medicine, that one was on vacation. After hours in the ER, during which the staff neurologist and resident went out to confer and call the prescribing neurologist, they came back in with the news that they were taking him off the Abilify immediately. A rare side effect (occurring in 2% of the studied population) was causing the issues.

The real kicker? We'll find out sometime late this week, certainly not before Wednesday, if these symptoms are permanent.

Before putting him on Abilify, my sister did research it, but she does not recall seeing this side effect mentioned.

I'm on the phones taking calls as usual this week, but to be honest I don't know what to write that's sexy. I hope you'll forgive this lapse into the real world. Fantasy is a wonderful thing. It just won't make him healthy again. All I can do is pray that once the medication is fully out of his body, he'll recover a little.

The family is gratefully accepting good wishes, positive anecdotes, prayers, and energy. If any of those are yours to offer, please do.

Upcoming Focus group meeting

Just a little note and reminder that the Focus Group (Minneapolis hypnosis club) is meeting on Sunday at 5pm. The information is on FetLife. This time we're talking about hypnosis safety.

Hope to see people there!

Birthday coming up!

So, yes, my birthday is coming up on September 4. It's not hard to find out what number birthday that is if you go looking. I know people are going to ask what I want. There is, of course, my Amazon wishlist over to the side... If it's on there, I want it.

I am also in the market for a Nook ebook reader from B&N. If people wanted to go in on that, coordinate with Jukebox. :) I want to be surprised. I like the Nook better than the Kindle for a lot of reasons, including but not limited to size, hand feel and the fact that B&N isn't going to pull books I've purchased from it the way Amazon has proven they will. With all the traveling I'll be doing, the Nook fits in better than the Kindle.

Anything purple and dresslike from Holy Clothing is a happy. Their skirts are too long for me, and their tops are almost long enough to be dresses, but I love their sundresses and longer-sleeved stuff. Again, coordinate with Jukebox. :)

And look for a birthday sale soon... ;)

As Promised: Floatation tank experience

So, um, yeah. About seven weeks ago I posted a brief blurb saying I'd enjoyed my floatation tank experience and that I'd post more later. And then, radio silence.

I'm not going to go into the reasons for the silence, but I do owe you a post on the floatation tank session. So, without further ado, here's what happened.

Seran and I arrived at the shop in the heat of a Chicago summer afternoon. The location is within the building on the ground floor, so it took us a minute to find it. Inside, however, it was comfortable and very clean. We were given a tour of the tank facility. Essentially, each tank is lightproof and you are given earplugs to both dull sound and keep water out of your ears. Each tank is filled to around calf-height with water, and in that water they have dissolved huge amounts of epsom salts. (Don't drink the water, mmmkay?) The solution thus produced has the density of the human body, so everyone floats.

And I mean everyone. To say Seran is slender is pushing the word. I knew I would have no problems floating, but I wasn't at all sure about him. I know he'd probably have to work to keep afloat under most circumstances. No worries: he was as buoyant as a cork.

This solution is also warm. The rooms were, of course, as muggy as you'd expect them to be with huge tanks of warm fluid in them. I was actually even more eager than I thought I'd be to shed clothes and get the shower going.

(Of course you shower before and after. After, because you have an epsom salt crust on your skin at the waterline mark on your body. Before, for obvious sanitation reasons. They may flush and sanitize the tank between every use, but it's nice to make it a little less intense for the sanitizing process.)

The shower was nice and warm and the bathing products provided were high-quality. I put the plugs in my ears, showered, and got into the tank. That's where things went a bit offscript.

Because I'm a kinesthetic, I enjoyed the feel of the water. You go into the tanks naked, in order not to be restricted by clothing in any way. That felt wonderful. The floating was incredible. Despite the shallowness of the solution, it fully supported me. I never felt the bottom unless I deliberately moved that way.

But remember that mugginess? It was multiplied in the closed-door tank by a lot. I don't like breathing hot, damp air. After a few minutes, I realized that sensation was making me feel a bit uncomfortable. I was having a lot of trouble relaxing. I weighed my options.

Part of the point of the sensory deprivation is that it's supposed to replicate the womb experience by floating in total darkness with muffled sound. Whether you have your eyes open or closed is supposed to make no difference. But I knew that I couldn't breathe well enough to be comfortable, so I decided to simply open the door so a bit more cool was let in, and keep my eyes closed.

I found this actually replicated what I know of the womb better. You see, the womb is not actually totally dark. Babies in utero are able to sense light. (Playing with a flashlight on a pregnant belly is a good way to have fun with a baby not yet even born.) When I kept my eyes closed, there was the faintest through-the-eyelids glow that much more matches what I know of life in the womb.

Even better, I could breathe and relax! And in no time, without any formal intention on my part, I was in trance. Every so often I'd be aware that somehow, the water level seemed to have crept up on my face. When I got in, it was just over my ears. After a bit, I noticed water almost up to the outer corners of my eyes. It took me two times with this happening to realize that my neck muscles had relaxed to the point that my head had "fallen back." That was really nice, and deepened my trance by quite a bit.

I didn't ever lose track of the world or go to sleep, but I didn't expect to. It was very much the kind of trance experience where the Watcher is active. People who think they aren't going into deep trance because they can always think will recognize this place. I know it's because it was a totally new experience. A few more times in a tank like that and I will be getting very interesting results, as my conscious mind checks out more fully.

Instead, what I experienced was a lot like lucid dreaming. I was always aware of the experience, but was letting the dream unfold. My particular dreams involved people I love and care for, and if a dream started to go somewhere I didn't really want to be, I partly sat up. This "reset" my brain and I could go on to something else.

It was a very, very positive experience. I would love to do it again multiple times and see what else happens.

Eventually, the time was up and the attendant knocked on the door of the room (not the tank - if you don't answer they do come in and do that, but the door comes first) and I let her know I heard her. I got out and showered off. Some of the water got onto my lips and I licked it off... that was a mistake. Ew. Don't do that. I peeked outside to see Seran waiting in the hallway. He was so very fractionated. I could tell just by looking at him that he'd experienced a very deep trance. I let him know I was getting dressed and to wait for me out front.

We relaxed with water afterwards and discussed our experiences. He had no issues with the mugginess, so he'd kept the door closed the whole time. (I really think that might be a me-thing, and urge everyone to do it the normal way, at least at first.) His subjective experience was similar to mine, and we both agree that more experimentation is called for.

I'd be interested in hearing from others as to their experiences, and I think I'm going to treat myself to a local facility someone pointed out in the comments to my previous post for my birthday in a few weeks.

Ah, my birthday... but that's another post. ;)

Same-Sex Marriage and the Poly Slippery Slope

I'm going to stray a bit here and talk about politics. I don't do it often; I don't like to talk about politics much in my day-to-day life and some of my beloved Chosen have very different ideas than I do about the subject. Also, given the international audience I have here, focusing on USian stuff feels kinda like talking from privilege. I am keenly aware there are many places in the world where doing what I do would be a sentence for stoning.

Nevertheless, there's more than one ache in my heart when I watch the agonizingly slow progress of same-sex marriage coming into its due across the US.

I absolutely believe that same-sex couples are entitled to every right and responsibility that marriage entails. At its core, marriage is a contract between individuals. It has always been that; in times past it might have been between a man and his intended's father, but it has always been a contract. The rights and responsibilities have also varied through time. In the current setup in the US leaves no good reason why same-sex couples should be excluded. The judge spoke wisely and truly when the court held that:

"moral disapproval of homosexuality, animus towards gays and lesbians or simply a belief that a relationship between a man and a women is inherently better than a relationship between two men or two women, ... is not a proper basis on which to legislate."

I can't applaud those word strongly enough. My heart aches for those who are waiting to legalize relationships which have lasted, in some cases, for decades.

Yet, at the same time, I am saddened by the same-sex marriage activist community in some very personal ways. You see, one of the grounds often used to attack same-sex marriage is the slippery slope argument that it would, in turn, lead to such perversions of marriage as... gasp... multiple-partner relationships! And the inevitable, invariable response to this charge is a resounding "No! That will never happen! That would be icky!"

And all I can do is sigh.

There are reasonable, laudable objections to multi-partner legal marriage, but all of them could be worked through with thought and planning. Chief among these are the abuses of women by some polygynous religions, of course, but people ignore something in this: these women will be abused anyway, no matter what the legal status of the marriage is, because the people committing these abuses are scofflaws to begin with. It doesn't negate the idea of contracts between multiple individuals for such things as childcare, insurance, visitation rights... in short, all of the things that those in hetero marriages now take for granted and same-sex couples are fighting to be able to enjoy.

But Jukebox or Copper being able to make medical decisions for me absent my input? Easily leave me property, or the other way around? Maybe even make immigration easier?

It won't happen in my lifetime, I am sad to say. Whereas same-sex marriage is almost on the verge of possibility in the US within a decade, I know I'm going to have to do more legal wrangling than anyone should have to in order to make sure everything works for me and my loves to do what we need to be able to do to care for one another, as committed partners should.

So, my beautiful same-sex-coupled friends, I am excited and hopeful for you. Almost nothing would make me happier than to be able to dance at your weddings.

Almost. I'd really like to be able to dance at my own, too - with both of my husbands.

My Jukebox's birthday

Yesterday was Jukebox's birthday.

It's so hard to grasp that, despite being together in one form or another for the best part of a decade, this is the first time we've ever been together on his birthday. Then again, he was at GenCon for quite a few of them, and we weren't even in the same state for the vast majority.

This week on the EMCSA his story is "Enter Sandman," which is in my top three favorite pieces he's ever written. (I like the others more only because I cherish the memories that inspired them so much it feels like a betrayal to put them lower on the list.) It's an incredible piece of writing - funny, sexy, and amazingly complex. It can also be found in the collection Past, Present, and Future on Lulu.com in both paperback and ebook form. You have to read this one to believe it.

Naturally, he got a new hypnotic mantra for his birthday. It's one I've been pondering for a while, but the look on his face when he began to chant it makes me glad I kept it back for his birthday...

He's still looking for work, folks. Buy a $5 download and give him a late birthday present. Seriously, he's earned it. And that's not the biased Domme talking.

Robotics 1.03: Skins is out!

At long last, I finally get around to posting this. Yes, Robotics 1.03 is up and going at CDbaby! It gives me warmfuzzies to think that I'm only two CDs away from completing this series. Then I can just do software releases as I think of them!

Upcoming releases include two Jukebox CDs (each with bonus track!), Sleep Ray for men and women, and Intoxication for men and women. I also have a lot of script ideas, and more keep coming.

Travel plans for the remainder of this year and next are beginning to solidify. Definitely on the agenda: LeatherFet in Charlotte, Fetish Fair Flea in Providence, NEEHU II in New England somewhere, Poly Family weekend in Atlanta, and Winter Fire in DC. I am also going to try to make Transcending Boundaries in Boston, 2011 Kinkfest in Portland (Oregon, not Maine), and Shibaricon - the latter for my own enjoyment rather than to present.

Local folks might be interested in knowing that the next Focus Group (that's the MN erotic hypno group) meeting is 15-AUG at 5pm CDT. Email me or log into Fetlife and RSVP to the event.

Dialogue (fiction)

The woman wound her way between the standing stones. The hem of her dress was ragged and blew around her ankles in the autumn breeze. Her hair looked like it hadn't been combed today, though there was still beauty in its wildness. The stones themselves were overgrown with moss, vines beginning to twine up the solid grey. Here and there she paused to pull a brown weed, murmuring an apology. The action was halfhearted, slow, but the expressed regrets were real. As she entered the center of the circle, she brushed a lock of purple hair back and looked around her with a sigh.

And stopped. "I should have known I'd find you here," she whispered, then spoke with more assurance. "Welcome, Lady. Forgive the condition of the temple. I... haven't been here as much to take care of it."

The other woman brushed a sun-browned hand over the surface of the altar, sprinkling dried flower petals onto the ground. Copper-colored hair shifted enticingly around her shoulders as she nodded without a trace of anger in her green eyes. "I'd noticed, but I'm not offended. I knew what you were doing."

"Yes," sighed the first. "Of course you did. You always do." She took another step forward into the circle. "What brings you here, Goddess?"

Blonde, short-cut hair blew in the breeze as the woman by the altar answered, the tilt of her head exposing a long, slender, kissable neck. "Because I knew you'd be here. And I wanted to hear you out. You're very angry at me right now."

That brought the purple-haired one up short. She opened her mouth, closed it, and looked down. "I'm not entirely sure I even believe in you any more," she finally said. "It's not personal. It's just how it is."

Mahogany eyes crinkled at the corners with suppressed laughter. "Come on, child. Even you know better than that. You've always known I was there. And you know better than to think I'd believe you. From the moment I first came to this circle and met you here, you've known you were mine. Being away from the temple you built with your own heart doesn't change that."

Humiliated, the first woman looked away from the searching gaze of the black woman standing by the altar. "I remember. You never look the same way twice, but I always know it's you. Every time. So you're right, that's not it."

One short, sharp nod. "So what is it then?" Gently asked, but not to be dismissed, the question hung in the air.

"It's just... I keep questioning these days. I don't know if I'm the right one to serve you. Not this way. Not this life. It gets harder all the time, Lady, and every time lately I think I have it figured out something else happens. It would be so easy if I could just scream out what I'm thinking, but that's something that I know better than to do."

"Oh. I see. You don't want to take this role now because you're not perfect?" The purple-haired woman looked up to behold the silver-haired, sun-worn queen holding her scepter. She was as beautiful as the Lady always appeared, but there was a blankness in the blue eyes that gave no hint of the emotion behind the question.

"You would put it that way, wouldn't you? I prefer to say that I'm wondering if I have my shit together enough to do what you want me to do. I have to: it's my responsibility. And yet I keep getting thrown off course."

"But you believe in me. Even if you don't believe in me as a force, you believe in what I am." That wasn't a question at all.

"Yes..." She drew out the sigh and took a few more steps closer to the altar. "I believe in what you are. How can I not? When I look in the eyes, hear the voices of the ones who are still with me, how could I deny that? I don't even know how to tell them what they are to me. I just want them to know, to intuit it. But that's not fair to them. So I try to show them, but I'm poor at that, I think."

"Let them be the judges of that. And remember, I didn't ask you to take care of everyone in the world." The Lady beckoned. "Come closer, child. I won't strike you down."

With those words, the purple-haired woman closed the space between them and knelt at her Lady's feet. "I wish you could understand, Goddess... it's nothing one like you would ever have to experience. You never doubted yourself."

Raven locks swept the grass as the Lady shook her head. "Of course I did. That's half the bad press I got in mythology, you know. But you miss the point. I didn't choose you because I was looking for perfection."

"Why did you choose me, then, Lady? If it wasn't to improve myself for you, do everything you asked?"

Warm, callused hands cradled the purple-haired woman's chin. "I chose you because you have the power to be strong, and the strength to admit it when you're wrong if you need to. This role isn't for everyone. It's not even for most strong women." She paused. "You can improve yourself, but the fact is that you will always be human. And that means having a softness to you. For all your love of turtles, you can't always hide in your shell when times are hard. You know that."

A glance down, a flush. "I was in my shell, wasn't I?"

The only answer was a simple nod.

"Fair enough, Lady... I will do as you ask. I will serve this role. But tell the universe to ease up a bit?"

"It's hard to feel the strength within when your body hurts, when the hormones surge and fall, when you are finally realizing what people are telling you when they tell you who they are. Even if that's not who you so very much wanted them to be. Release that, child, and grieve your dreams... but don't grieve long. You have too many other dreams to bring to reality." The Lady kissed the purple-haired woman on the forehead and faded into mist on the autumn breeze.

The woman knelt for a long time, staring at the violets blooming on the ground by the altar, a little cluster of blossoms everywhere the Lady had stepped. Finally, she tossed back her hair and looked around.

"Well," she said to the waiting stones. "It looks like I have work to do."

Just had fascinating sensory dep tank experience! :) I'll post on it soon. I really want to experience it multiple times. Lots of nice, dreamy sensations. :)

Museum Heat! And: My Chosen Love Me.

Museum Heat is almost ready! Here's the artwork, and oh, is it lovely! Watch for the formal announcement very soon here. This is my most sexual file to date, and the one I've most wanted to have out for a while.

Also, I'm going to Chicago this weekend to unwind and spend some quality time with one of my Chosen. He's going to take me to do this: Flotation/Sensory Deprivation tank time - something I've wanted to do for ages! I can't wait to tell you all how this was.

Longer post tomorrow.

NEEHU was incredible!

Peak experiences always leave me dazed, and NEEHU is no exception. How do I explain how it felt to me to be there? How do I talk about the amazing people? How do I list the new friends, and talk about the reconnection with existing ones?

I can't. So I'll do the best I can and skim the surface.

Things That Are Hot:

* Kissing a wonderful woman and pleasure triggering her repeatedly into the kiss... while her boyfriend watches approvingly.
* Having said boyfriend hold her on the brink of orgasm later until I could get back in the room to watch. (Thanks, both of you... I so appreciate that! :) )
* Binding two really hot women together in trance. Yum. No. YUM.
* Watching others play with their partners. I don't get to watch very often!
* Hypno-Reverse-Freeze tag. No, I'm not kidding.
* The hairbrushing and hypnosis session. My long hair kink is Very Happy right now.
* Being hypnotized in Russian. (Yeah, yeah, insert your A Fish Called Wanda joke here... but I probably already made it.)

Things That Are Rewarding:

* Watching new people hypnotize others for the Very First Time, after you've explained things to them.
* Seeing people you met earlier in the year, now as couples.
* Poly snuggling.
* Watching your beloved come out of his shell and be social and happy.
* Collaring ceremonies.
* People realizing that holy shit, we're NOT alone!
* People assisting each other to be the best they can be - particularly noticeable in the wonderful exchanges in the Becoming A Better Submissive panel. Honestly, J and I really just gave that one a reason to get going - the help between others there was where it was really happening. The interplay between people there was spectacular and heartwarming.

I am so very grateful to Mephki and DrSlashBlight for getting this together. For those wondering, there IS already planning going on for one next year. We don't have venues, dates, or anything else settled... but I know that since I won't be coming off a move next time, I'll be able to put more into being part of the planning and setup. If you couldn't come this year, watch this space and others. It will happen again. Normally I'd put in the caveat "if people want it," but the comments I'm seeing on Fetlife already tell me they do!

NEEHU liveblog: entry 3

Just got done helping out with the Improving your induction hands-on workshop. Lots of experienced hypnotists helping out novice hypnotists in getting better at what they do. People are having a good time. I'm seeing lots of smiles and hearing lots of laughter.

Over the next little bit we'll be getting ready to close things down, although before then J and I will be doing the "Becoming a better subject" session. That one won't be blogged, alas. We'll both be busy.

The suggestions panel was a lot of fun. A lot of good ideas for what peoples' favorite suggestions are, a lot of cautionary tales, a lot of help learning to frame suggestions with the caveat that learning to formulate suggestions more formally is good.

The play party tonight should be interesting.... ;)

NEEHU Liveblog - Entry 2

OK... so hypnosis 101 has been presented, and now I'm in the one slot I might actually attend, which is Rope and rapport. (I have two real rope fans among my Chosen, so I need to learn more about this.) It's being presented by Mephki (@mephki on Twitter), and I will be blogging what I can as I see it. This is somewhat hands-on, though.

Mephki says rope is a tool to convey emotions and interactions with partners. It uses the unconscious mind to help figure someone out.

...and this went from somewhat hands-on to me rope-molesting @Unchaste-Athene and @lizthegrey together. I wish I had pictures, but Liz and Athene were rope-dancing and Mephki tossed me some rope and pointed me in their direction. So I got them both at once. I ended up having them bound ankles and one hand each and blindfolded with rope. It was niiiiice.

Over to Jukebox in a few minutes!

NEEHU Liveblog: entry 1

9am: Up, showered, hair is still very damp but passable. Aaronhalt is getting out of the shower, Jukebox is up and showered and dressed. I know you all wanted to know this. ;)

I'm going to attempt to liveblog this day, at least up until the play party, at which point I will be too busy to check in. (Which is sad, because I know that's what most of you will want to see. Sorry. :) ) In a few minutes, we'll be heading from the Westin over to the Hyatt and getting ourselves ready.

So far, I'm presenting these things:

10:30-11AM - Lady Ru'etha - Hypnosis 101

Introduction to hypnosis, safety, and to show you why hypno is hot! (Talk + demo)

12:30-1:30PM - Lady Ru'etha Introduction to the Induction.

Learn how to induce hypnosis with Lady R! Didactic and demos.

I might also be doing panels on suggestions, on robotization, and on hypnosis for Dominants. We'll see.

Over to Jukebox at his blog... click right over herer.

I should be in bed!

But no, I'm up blogging. Because I haven't in a while, that's why! :)

I'm getting fantastic feedback on "BHC: Peaceful Sleep." Please, if you got it and liked it, leave comments on the CDbaby page. People wanting to buy it value the opinions of those who have it already. Actually, that applies to any of my recordings! (If you bought it and DIDN'T like it, message me. I want to keep refining my skills, and your feedback is helpful!)

Also, if you have feedback on my hypnosis that you give me permission to put on my website, please let me know that too.

So early this week I was out of town in North Carolina, and the reason can now be told! I was filming a documentary on Sex Robots which has already been picked up by Discovery Health in the US. That article came out on April 15, while WinterRose and I were still working things out for filming with Landmark Films. I did some robotic programming hypnosis and took a Niteflirt call on the air, where in a change from my usual work I became MEG, the Male Entertainment Gynoid, for the enjoyment of a robot fetishist. I was willing from the start, but the session ended up being extremely entertaining and I'm glad I did it.

Obviously, I don't know how much time I'll be in the documentary. They have a story to tell, and robotic hypnosis is only a small part of it. But whether I'm in ten seconds or ten minutes, I have to say it was an interesting and delightful experience. My new pet CaptivePrincess was on hand to do my hair and makeup, my new pet Sleepyhead was in town for something else and dropped by, and a good time was had by all. Since this is due to be broadcast this fall, I'm sure I'll have more information by the time it hits the airwaves.

I actually got stuck at the airport on Tuesday night, and I didn't get in until Wednesday morning. That night I gave an instructional session on erotic hypnosis for a local D/s group. To my delight, the room was packed! There were good questions asked, people seemed interested, and a good time was again had by all.

This weekend I'm attending a wedding, and then Sunday the organizational meeting for what I'm temporarily calling MEHG is taking place. After the D/s group on Wednesday I set out a signup sheet, and to my sheer joy almost 40 people signed up to attend the organizational meeting! We're going to get some good things going in the Twin Cities with hypnokink, and I cannot wait for that!

Thursday at Oh My Gods O'clock I fly out to NEEHU with Jukebox. I have a lot to do this week in terms of getting handouts ready and so on, but I'm looking forward to it. NEEHU will have a lot of hypnosis play. You don't want to miss it!

Then the weekend after that I go to Chicago. After that over the fourth of July weekend is CONvergence, and there WILL be a hypnosis play party there - details forthcoming!

So with all this, when can you talk to me on Niteflirt and Talksugar? Well, I'll be around Sunday night late, Monday through Wednesday most of the day and evening, and after that it'll be till the following Monday. Make sure you get in your appointment emails! I love meeting new people!

And even better news: the rough of Robotics 1.03 is good, which means it'll be a June release along with Museum Heat for Fm and Ff! And I have four Jukebox scripts to record, and then after that is Sleep Ray for Fm and Ff as well. And the robotics series will be finishing in July with the optional 1.X in August. I already have the art done for those... they look wonderful.

You know, looking at all this is making me tired! Bedtime. I'll be posting Sunday!

By Her Command: Peaceful Sleep is released!

It's out! I'm thrilled beyond measure to be able to post this link. I've heard some really amazingly good things from people who have listened to it before CDbaby had it officially go live. (My favorite so far being Copper listening to it in order to create the sample on the webpage - he had a cold and had been having poor sleep, but while this was playing he ended up sleeping for 13 very needed hours!)

This brings the number of CDs I have out to 14, which makes me very happy. Especially because I have Museum Heat still in the queue, waiting on artwork! It's looking very good for my planned release schedule, which is 3-5 CDs a month. I am so excited about all of this.

A couple of blog posts that made me happy.

Because there's more going on in the hypnokink world than remodelling my/Jukebox's house and my CDs and mp3s, hard as my brain has to work to accept that at the moment...


This is a neat thread about some people exploring hypnokink together. She's experienced in D/s, he isn't, but they're finding their way. I look forward to seeing and hearing more from them. New hypnokink relationships always make me feel so warmfuzzy.

Next, in the general D/s sense but so very very applicable to hypnokink, comes this post from MD in 617, a blogger I intend to start following. He's not into hypnosis as far as I can tell, but he IS into making sense. The post is about making yourself attractive to others online, whatever your particular fetish or weirdness might be. I wish this post was required reading for anyone new to the online kink scene.

Finally but not least thought-provoking comes this lovely post from thrall on self-acceptance. I honestly cannot wait to have free time to talk to thrall more and miss her very much, but her blog kinda keeps me going. When I finally get a few minutes free to read the other day, this post almost made me cry. It's beautiful. Give it a read.

More standard blogging later today, I hope!

Happy stuff!

I have my plane tickets (and Jukebox's!) for NEEHU! Tickets are on sale here. This is going to be an incredible event, and the price is almost ridiculously low for the value.

This weekend I'll also be out of town on a project. I can't wait to share what it is, but since I don't know what I can say yet, I will say only that I'm really looking forward to it - and it has to do with robokink.

I also wanted to show you all this:



Isn't that lovely? That's the cover for my next release. I mentioned I was thrilled with the results of the latest designs, and I can't wait to show you more.

Yesterday I didn't post, but it was for good reasons. I recorded what might be the final of Robotics 1.03 and today I recorded the rough draft of one I'm calling "Sleep Ray." It's another fantasy, a very SF-type scenario.

More posting tomorrow! Also, if I get home in time from a munch, there will be a voice chat! Feel free to log into the server. The topic will be upcoming community events.

More happy news!

It seems CDbaby may have finally gotten the BHC: Weight file correct! The times for the tracks on the files look correct, the samples sound correct... I'm not going to make a big announcement right now, but everything looks clear.

Along the same lines, my graphic artist has gotten me the covers for Peaceful Sleep and the remaining Robotics releases, and they look fantastic. Even as I type, the finished version of "By Her Command: Peaceful Sleep" is uploading, and the art is already uploaded. I should be able to get that on sale sometime next week or the week after. She's also working on the artwork for "Museum Heat," so that'll be out sometime in early to mid-June. By that time, I'll possibly be ready to complete the Robotics series!

Today I went to a CONvergence Concom meeting, and I will be volunteering before the con and a few hours during the con as well. If you haven't seen the schedule yet, it's at this little link right here. I will also be holding some late-night hypnosis play, and will be announcing that here and on Fetlife. If you're planning to get in on Wednesday instead of Thursday and you're going to need airport pickup, please let me know as soon as possible so I can make sure it happens!

Similarly, I will be posting here and on Fetlife and a few other places when I make the decision on when the org meeting/first meeting for the Minneapolis Erotic Hypnosis Group will be. (MEHG just sounded better than TCEHG, sorry to those in surrounding areas! If you can come up with a snappier name so we can have a more fun acronym, please let me know!) I'm leaning toward June 7, but by the time I present at The Lab on June 2 I probably will have that settled in my brain and on the calendar.

Finally, but not at all last in my thoughts, sometime later today the tickets should go on sale for NEEHU! I'll post that information as soon as I know it's up, as soon as I'm up. (I'm not sure which will happen first.)

The next few weeks promise to be exciting. I am really looking forward to them!

YES!! Finally!

I am absolutely thrilled to announce that Merchant's Daughter For Men and For Women is now available for sale! It has taken what feels like forever to bring this one to everyone, and I have been looking forward to it. I have a lot of plans for things to do with this mysterious woman in red, so come join in the adventure!

Tattoo pic! And Voice Chat Wednesday!

Sorry that post went up today, instead of yesterday. It was done last night and I forgot to hit post. Oops. :)

In other news, here's how the tat looks now!



I am really happy with how it looks for now, but I think later I'm going to add more purple. The question is, do I add it in the points or in the circles? Thoughts?

Also, we are on for Voice Chat Wednesday night at 9pm Eastern US time. If you don't know how to access the voice chat, please email me and I'll help you get in. This is my gentle reminder for you to look at the rules first! I'll be updating the rules post with guidelines for how to set things on a Mac and a Linux box soon.

Where did I learn hypnosis?

This is one of the most common questions I get when I meet people. I get it so often I'm going to answer it and then make a permalink to the post!

Most of my early learning was reading books in high school and trial and error. I did more progressive relaxations than I care to remember. (I almost never use them these days, but I did learn how to do a good one.) I recorded self-hypnosis inductions, I hypnotized my friends, I figured out a couple of times that it helps to ASK them first, if you want to keep them as friends...

When I got to college, I devoured every book in the library. On my trip back to my old alma mater this spring, I stopped by the library with Copper and we went and found the best book I read, the one that gave me the tools and techniques I now use. Please note there are tons and tons of fantastic books out there, but this is the one that rang the most bells for me and made me able to move past progressives and into more useful inductions.

That book is William E. Edmonston Jr.'s The Induction of Hypnosis. It is out of print, but in case people want to try and find it online the indicia information is as follows:

Wiley Series on Personality Processes
Copyright 1986 by John Wiley and Sons, Inc
ISBN 0-471-83112-3

This is not a hypnosis 101 light read, but neither is it as dense as many books on NLP. It is a book intended for academia and it shows. It was also the best book I could have picked up, since it is focused on just that: inductions. It is a history book, but it deals more with how people get into the state than many books. Since it deals with trance across time, it shows that people are capable of hypnotizing themselves with methods that have nothing to do with relaxing each and every body part in turn. And, of course, it has a chapter on Milton Erickson.

SQUEEEE! Metropolis showings!

One of the most archetypal sources for the heat in robokink comes from the classic movie Metropolis. For those of you not in the know, this movie is probably the most seminal image root for some of our most enduring mental images of robots. It's a silent film made in Germany in 1927, and for years large parts of it had been lost. In 2008 an almost complete cut was found in Argentina, and between that and footage found in New Zealand in 2005 all but eight minutes of the film have now been recovered.

Back in April, this nearly-complete version was shown for the first time at the Turner Classic Movies Festival. It was streamed online, but many many people missed out on that. However, it's now touring, and will be released on DVD in November!

This is the list of showing dates in various major cities. If you live in one of these and like movies, robots, or science fiction in general, this is a can't-miss event.

As soon as I know my travel plans for early June for sure, I'm going to set up a Twin Cities date to see this. We really don't want to miss out!

Productive night!

I have put the wheels in motion for finishing two more CDs - just waiting on the final mix and the graphic designer now. That's AFTER the stuff I did the other day, which is going to turn out to be very important soon. I'm being somewhat coy because otherwise I'll announce things too early, and I need to keep SOME self-control here.

This is after I went to a local scene munch - my first since moving to the Twin Cities. People there were very friendly, and I can't wait to go to the next two, next Tuesday and Thursday.

Which reminds me, anyone up for a Voice Chat night next Wednesday? I'm thinking around 21:00 US Eastern time. (I know that's late for the Euro crowd... my apologies! I'll have some day ones soon.) This one would be the final test run for the software before I start having topic-oriented chats, some of which will be recorded. (The recorded ones will be clearly indicated in advance.)

Please do check out the Voice Chat link on the sidebar over there ------>>> if you haven't already! It has the rules and the software information.

I think that's about it for the night. I got a lot done, though!